Tuesday, March 22, 2011

I don't really want to run, I want to like running :)

So this is not me (yet).  But I really want it to be.  I want to like running, I just don't get it yet, so I'm trying to figure out what is going to make me like it.

I am really trying to get myself as fit as I can since I am now over the 1 year cancer free mark,  so I can be the best mom I can be to my 2 small boys ages 2 and 4.

My schedule is hectic, our finances are very limited right now, and between work, and my kids Autism therapy I am burning the candle at both ends.  But I have a treadmill, and an awesome jogging stroller.   A couple times a week I do get out with the boys and get a couple miles in, but mostly walking with the stroller.  I don't like running enough yet to push the 120 lbs of stroller and children and run as well.

Every single night I have the intention to run on the very nice treadmill that we have and unfortunately the couch sucks me and and I fall asleep.  I am going to try tomorrow to wake up before I go to work and do it, I am at work by 5am so that means getting up at 3, not sure I'm willing.

I want to get in a groove with this running thing and make it my lifestyle.  I need something to make me fit, clear my head, and get me some fresh air.  This is and will be the thing that I do for myself, it is not the spa, it is not a day of relaxing, I want the mindset of a runner, an athlete, and a race finisher.   I was a crazy good athlete in school, and started working and just lost my fitness COMPLETELY.  Well that is over.  I want the body of my youth back, without cosmetic surgery.  I have to do it on my own because I refuse to pay gyms anymore money.  I have everything that is needed to do this for me and my family.

I am making a commitment here I want to run a race, I am going to run a 5K in May and see where this goes from there.  I want to be healthy, I need to be here for my boys, I want to look better, I want to feel better.  This last 2 years has been such a mental - emotional ass kicker for me, I feel like I have/had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  I feel like I have walked through hell and am out on the other side and I have to pick up my boot straps and start running again.

My son was diagnosed with Autism and to get that crazy diagnosis and all settled for him the best I could, took 1 year, and shortly after that I was diagnosed with breast cancer and I had just had a baby.  My husband had issues with all that went on,  so the 2010 was stressful and jacked up in so many ways.   We are doing better now.   I now have a clean bill of health, and I want to keep it that way.  I have managed to eat better, and I feel like I am winning this battle with my weight that I have fought my entire life.

So I am throwing this out there to all the moms, and letting you know, I will run, it may be slow, it might not be far, but I am going to be a runner no matter what.  I am excited because I know deep down it is something I'm going to love, it's just getting there and doing it consistently.


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