Tuesday, March 22, 2011
I don't really want to run, I want to like running :)
So this is not me (yet). But I really want it to be. I want to like running, I just don't get it yet, so I'm trying to figure out what is going to make me like it.
I am really trying to get myself as fit as I can since I am now over the 1 year cancer free mark, so I can be the best mom I can be to my 2 small boys ages 2 and 4.
My schedule is hectic, our finances are very limited right now, and between work, and my kids Autism therapy I am burning the candle at both ends. But I have a treadmill, and an awesome jogging stroller. A couple times a week I do get out with the boys and get a couple miles in, but mostly walking with the stroller. I don't like running enough yet to push the 120 lbs of stroller and children and run as well.
Every single night I have the intention to run on the very nice treadmill that we have and unfortunately the couch sucks me and and I fall asleep. I am going to try tomorrow to wake up before I go to work and do it, I am at work by 5am so that means getting up at 3, not sure I'm willing.
I want to get in a groove with this running thing and make it my lifestyle. I need something to make me fit, clear my head, and get me some fresh air. This is and will be the thing that I do for myself, it is not the spa, it is not a day of relaxing, I want the mindset of a runner, an athlete, and a race finisher. I was a crazy good athlete in school, and started working and just lost my fitness COMPLETELY. Well that is over. I want the body of my youth back, without cosmetic surgery. I have to do it on my own because I refuse to pay gyms anymore money. I have everything that is needed to do this for me and my family.
I am making a commitment here I want to run a race, I am going to run a 5K in May and see where this goes from there. I want to be healthy, I need to be here for my boys, I want to look better, I want to feel better. This last 2 years has been such a mental - emotional ass kicker for me, I feel like I have/had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I feel like I have walked through hell and am out on the other side and I have to pick up my boot straps and start running again.
My son was diagnosed with Autism and to get that crazy diagnosis and all settled for him the best I could, took 1 year, and shortly after that I was diagnosed with breast cancer and I had just had a baby. My husband had issues with all that went on, so the 2010 was stressful and jacked up in so many ways. We are doing better now. I now have a clean bill of health, and I want to keep it that way. I have managed to eat better, and I feel like I am winning this battle with my weight that I have fought my entire life.
So I am throwing this out there to all the moms, and letting you know, I will run, it may be slow, it might not be far, but I am going to be a runner no matter what. I am excited because I know deep down it is something I'm going to love, it's just getting there and doing it consistently.