Tuesday, February 28, 2012

30 day fitness challenge - Barry's Bootcamp

I have begun a 30 day fitness challenge at Barry's Boot Camp in Irvine, CA.  Their fitness philosophy is Run, Lift, Repeat.  The workouts are intense.  My first day as a 44 year old woman and one week shy of being 2 years cancer free, I am taking on this quest to get myself fit for good.

My first workout today was with instructor Scott Perry.  It was a great workout.  I probably (no I know I could have done better).  3 weeks ago I was struck with pneumonia, and haven't quite gotten my wind back.  So this will be a work in progress.

My first half marathon is on May 6th, so this is a great cross training solution to my days when I am not out running on the road.  It will make me stronger, and hopefully faster, and increase my endurance.  I am putting my faith into the instructors at Barry's. The final day of this challenge will end with me running the 5K Irvine Lake Spring Break Mud Run.  I need to redeem myself from the pathetic time I ran it in last summer.

If you want to do something to kick your fitness up a notch, I suggest and recommend an intense workout like this Boot camp.  Barry's Boot Camp has several location across the country, and 1 in Orange County.  I am TOTAL germophobe, and I have to tell you, this gym smells clean, it looks clean and there is someone cleaning the equipment the second the room is clear.  It gives me a sense of peace to know that I'm not working out in a Petrie dish.

This challenge is hopefully enabling me to lose the last 20 lbs that I have been carrying. I spent a year losing 80 and need and want this last 20 lbs off of my ass.  So Barry's Boot Camp, the challenge is yours to get this 20 lbs off my rump.  :)


Friday, February 24, 2012

Real Train Wreck Awards

Okay, it is clear that since these crack pots have no class or manners when it comes to attending parties, dinners, or others homes, I propose Bravo do an episode where the women are forced to go to etiquette class together where some "Helga" whips their asses into shape.

It really would be hilarious.  Because these women all think they have it going on, and honestly there is nothing more to them than junior high school level of social skills.

In honor of the Oscar's this week, I am awarding each of the Train Wrecks an award.

Vicki - She wins "The World's most insecure/neediest/clingiest Person award - VICKI - Woman come on everyone loves you.  Do you really want everyone in your life to wear it on a neon sign on their forehead so you can admire it all the time? 

Tamra - She wins the "I NEED ATTENTION" award.  Let's see, the undo amount of drama, the ridiculous amounts of alcohol, and show boating, making porn, trying to have men touch your boobs, body shots.  You win Tamra you get the attention, God knows why people pay you any attention,  but you win.

Gretchen - Get's the "I like outfits with cameltoe" award.  The shorts you walked the dog with, I mean honestly, shop in the ladies section not the children's.  You are hot and have a banging body, but good Lord does all of Costa Mesa need to see the Vajajay walking the dogs down the street?

Alexis - She wins the "Silence would be golden" award.  Maybe join Toastmasters or something, because your little side interviews you do just seem to make you look like brain cells are falling out of your mouth with every spoken word.  Less is More.  I know you wouldn't ever consider that rule of thumb where your make up is concerned, but if you leave a little mystique about what you think, you will seem much more....  (look up a good word Alexis).

Heather - She wins the "I think my poop don't stink award".  I really like this chick, and that she doesn't want to have this classless, catty, group of metal patients to her house made me laugh out loud. A little bit pretentious, but it is OC, who isn't pretentious?  She carries it to a new level.  Her husband ROCKS I love that he just says it as it is, and she has a stick shoved so far up her ass she doesn't think he's funny.  I loved that he thought and called Vicki's dinner party low rent - HILARIOUS.  Lady you better laugh at this man who provides you with you wonderful life, because the "C" list of movies you've "acted" in will not keep you on "Billionaire's Row".  He's an awesome dude, have you seen some of the other whacko husbands on this franchise.  Worship the ground that man walks on for the love of Pete, don't be a douche bag!

Can't wait to see Slade on the comedic stage next week, and pick apart that looney.

Friday, February 17, 2012

Real Train wrecks Episode 2 - Season 7

It is now obvious that none of the Real Housewives of anywhere have ever read Emily Post about how to act at a dinner party.   Seriously, who do these broads think they are?  It is ever apparent that no matter how much money they have or pretend to have that they are not buying class with that money.

Good Lord,  Vicki has a lovely dinner party and Alexis is gagging and talking about barfing at the TABLE?!  What kind of people raised you?

You ladies went to great lengths to get yourself into the social scene that you are in yet you show WEEKLY that the trailer park is where you came from (I'm kind of afraid I may be offending the people that live in a trailer park, because I'm sure they have better manners and class that the Real Train wrecks).

Gretchen, I gotta tell you, I would never spend that kind of money on a handbag, but your ad looked great.  Thanks for supporting breast cancer.  And I have a feeling that you and Tamra may not have a friendship anymore, she's the meanest most judgement throw you under the bus broad ever.  She makes it embarrassing to be a chick.   Stay away from her, she is like a cancer.

Heather,  yeah, I'm having a real hard time feeling sorry for your proposal story on a plane to Paris.    Your big house, and cars, yeah that's just a shame he proposed on the plane to Paris and not actually in Paris.  Oh yeah, just because you live on Billionaire's Row (according to you) doesn't mean that everyone is going to know who are as an actress.  You were really in some block buster Oscar seeking flicks.  Can you say "C" List??  You aren't making it easy to like you.

Alexis,  honey, when you are at a dinner party,  you should just ask questions and listen to the answers,  don't talk to much, it's painful to watch you.  I know it may be mommy brain and filling 3 sippy cups a day for breakfast is oh so hard, and applying that drag queen make up daily to go to Starbucks.  You EMBARRASS moms and housewives.  Stop saying everyone in Orange County does this, because you know what WE DON'T.  We pay our mortgages don't bankrupt ourselves, short sell our houses, and buy new ones for cash. We are Real you my dear are a TRAIN WRECK, at least you are a little entertaining.  And you're friend Peggy should have told you about dating your husband, it's both their fault.

Vicki,  Brooks seems nice.  Does it get exhausting to be you?  I mean you are a successful mom, business woman, etc, you really need someone telling you every hour how awesome you are?  Do you ever tell anyone else how awesome they are?  Just sayin.  And please, stay away from Tamra she is crazy loony and talks about you behind their back.  Do you really want to be friends with someone that can't take a joke?  Do you need to be friends with someone that wants to put your boyfriends hand on her boob???  Could she be more disrespectful and gross?  Tell me who your friends are and I'll tell you who you are.  That woman is like black tar on your foot at the beach, dirty, stinky, annoying and it's hard to get away from.

Tamra,  please go read a book on class.  You are the tackiest woman in OC.  You have no class, you act like a 17 year old.  You do realize that your kids will eventually see this, so you have last years bathtub scene, and now you're putting strangers hands on your boobs in public.  Way to class it up.  How much therapy do you think your girls are going to need?

Well this season has a lot more in store I'm sure, and I can't wait to see what the ladies duke it out about.  Hope it gets better from here because it's a little boring. But I do welcome the guilty pleasure and get away from any sort of reality, because there is no reality in that TV when these chicks are on it.


Friday, February 10, 2012

The Call that changed EVERYTHING

I was sitting here going through our papers getting our tax stuff together to prepare our taxes, and I found my note pad, that on this particular day 2 years ago, I brought home from work.

2 years ago I was at work and got the call, the call that stopped the rotation of the earth and shattered me.  My cell phone rang at work and I didn't recognize the number and I thought it might be my sons school calling.  I picked it up, and it was Dr. R on the phone, and the whole conversation didn't last long  and I don't remember much of it but it all sounding like Peanuts characters listening to the teacher speak and then I heard the words "Stage 1 carcinoma".    What?!  "What did you just say?",  Dr. R said "After your biopsy we have found that you have a stage 1 carcinoma in your right breast."    Stunned, and feeling like I had just been smacked in the stomach with a bat by Derek Jeter I had to ask "Did you just tell me I have cancer?". ..........  Yes he did in fact tell me I had cancer, and that I had to find a surgeon and let them know where to send the test results.

Holy crap for real????  I went for the damn mammogram to meet our insurance deductible so my son could get some much needed services for his autism, the mammogram was not supposed to come up with CANCER for crying out loud.  Did the man upstairs not know that I had a baby that just turned one year old, and my 3 year old had just been diagnosed with Autism.  Cancer, I had no time for cancer, it had no place in my home, and I was so paralyzed with fear for a few days I could barely see straight.

So as I did with our autism diagnosis I scoured the Internet for every treatment available, but this time I was searching for a miracle to keep me around for these kiddos.

I researched the different ways to beat this cancer,  I say beat not treat, because I needed to beat this.  Autism needed to be fought, cancer I had no time for -  I just had to kick it's ass immediately and get back to focusing on the little one that had a window of opportunity to treat his autism the most effectively.

I elected to have a double mastectomy and my ovaries out.  It was drastic, swift, serious, harsh, brutal, and 100% necessary to get me back in commission to be a mom as fast as possible.  You see I have a family that has been riddled with cancer, and I have seen what it does to people, I have seen the treatment brutalize people, and I truly was scared to the bottom of my soul.  My one year old was just a baby, I HAD TO BE BETTER.  Losing this battle was not an option for my boys.

I found a medical team that agreed with what I wanted, and swiftly and quickly we did the surgery and I was on the way to recovery, to be a mom, a wife,  a friend, daughter, sister, and a general pain in the ass to anyone that wanted to argue with me and how I did things.

I am happy to report I have been cancer free for nearly 2 years, I have taken an aggressive approach at taking care of myself.  I work with my children and their treatment and the things necessary to make them better.

This call that I took 2 years ago made cancer a family battle, everyone participated, and everyone was changed for good and for bad.  I am a lucky cancer survivor.  I thank God every day for the 2nd chance he gave me to be the mom, wife, daughter, sister, family member and friend that I could be.

The day before the call came in
I hate cancer and what it has done to my family, friends, and loved ones.  I don't want it to come back so I humbled by the disease, and know it is my responsibility to do what I can and care for my body so I can care for my kids.  So as you read this and remember you skipped your mammogram last year, or cancelled your last appointment, please make it and get it done.  Everyone needs you!

Thursday, February 9, 2012

They're BAAACK - The Real Trainwrecks of OC - Season 7

Well, I have to say I didn't miss them much because they were pretty boring and predictable last season.  Drag Queen make up, pretentious posing, staged drama, divorce, soft core porn, and dinner parties from hell.  This is what all the "Real Housewives" franchises are, so you really just tune in for the characters.  They have to be characters because I refuse to believe that 40 something (in some cases 50 something) women act like Lindsay Lohan in junior high school.  It is a guilty pleasure I get out of watching 5 women in Orange County try to portray themselves as "Real", when there is nothing real to them. 

So after 2 years of vicious cat fighting name calling and slanderous words Tamra and Gretchen are now friends. Um, sure - Bravo we believe that none of your shows are scripted.  OH MY GAWD. "Secret Lovers" as they called it because they are keeping it a secret from everyone.  For the love of God, Gretchen,  Tamra is so mean, nasty and untrustworthy, she has thrown you and every single person on the show under the bus like she is queen of the OC.  You will regret this decision, because Tamra is the epitome of jealousy in the OC, she has nothing and wants it all.  She will take you down to her level.  Don't seek a lower companionship, there has to be better chicks in OC to want to be friends with don't let it be the meanest one in town.

Alexis you filled 3 sippy cups for breakfast and got cereal bars out of the pantry and complained at how hard it is to be a working mom.  I nearly choked.  You have an assistant, you bought your kids lunch at school, and threw some cereal bars in a backpack before your one day of work out of the house.  My goodness woman, how on earth do the rest of us do it.  Oh, yeah I forgot to mention how "glammed" up you got.  I am going out on a limb here, but am, fairly certain the glamming up took priority over the kids breakfast.   Seriously, you really can't think you have it so challenging.  Most of us REAL MOMS work, have no help, and don't spend several hours putting our drag queen make up on before our 1 hour job in San Diego one day a week.  Your life, so stressful, short selling your house in Newport Beach on the tax payers back, whilst in bankruptcy and then buying a beautiful home in Dana Point for cash.  Excuse me whilst I barf, and have no sympathy for "how hard it is" to be you. 

I have to go back to Tamra, you said Heather the new housewife is everything Alexis wants to be.  Isn't that everything you were portraying to be in the first couple of seasons you were on the show.  You were all fine and happy with your marriage and big house behind the gates, Rolex's, plastic surgery, tennis bracelets, and yachts until - HELLO - bad economy- you figured out you weren't wealthy????  You were pretending to be wealthy before Alexis was on the show.  Hello - Pot, meet Kettle.  Good Lord woman, be a little less hypocritical and mean and maybe people wouldn't want to knock the hat off your head when you are seen in line at Starbucks around town.

Vicki, well I can't wait to see the turn of events in your life this season.  See the drama self-induced and otherwise that comes with this season.  But Vicki you are so smart and driven.  Why on earth, after seven OC season and a slew of other Housewives franchises would you have a dinner party.  It is clear that anyone that signs on to be a housewife has no class when it comes to dinner parties.  You all act like spoiled, psychotic, attention starved children when invited to some one's home.  Since you are trying to sell yours and all I would think that you wouldn't want your stuff messed up, so I can't wait to see what happens next week when the proverbial poo poo hits the fan at the first dinner party (of the season) from hell on the OC Housewives.

Heather, welcome and stay the hell away from Tamra, she's a jealous Tasmanian devil.  She will turn on you like the Chupacabra.  Can't wait to see the antics you bring to the OC, how "REAL" you are.

So I look forward to another breathtaking season.  And the fact that you women make me feel like such a good wife, mother and friend, the self-esteem boost I get when I look at you all and your behavior is almost as great as the 80 lbs I've lost.