Thursday, December 29, 2011

More Lessons for the Mom

As the holidays are coming to a close and the decorations come down and the structure and routine are shortly about to return, I couldn't be more grateful.   I am thankful for this time with my family, but lack of structure and routine does not always make for the best days when your children have autism.

My husband and I were looking forward to this Christmas because this was the first time since Franklin was born that he even acknowledged our Christmas tree and really seemed to get excited when we would drive around different neighborhoods in search of the Griswold Family lighting decor.  Franklin took and broke most ornaments off of the tree, not out of anger, but he really really liked the tree and the colored ornaments, so he would tap them together or tap them on the floor or on any hard surfaces in the home.  He danced with our dancing Santa, and to most Christmas music and shows that were on.


Monday, December 19, 2011

5 Years ago

December 19, 2006 I became a mommy for the first time to Franklin Thomas Goddard.  From the second I looked at him he took my breath away.

Franklin I love you so much and am honored to be your mom.  I will walk through fire for you, and advocate for you with every ounce of my being.  I will help you in every way I can and if I can't I will find someone who will.

Your soul sings to me because I know right now you can't.  Your eyes fill my heart with joy and happiness beyond anything I could ever understand.  Your hugs and kisses are the best things in the world and when I get giggles out of you the amazing feeling I get is more than any gift could ever mean to me.

Thank you for letting me be your mommy.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

3 Years Ago

Happy Birthday to my Sweet Boy Jackson.  3 years ago today you made me a mommy for the 2nd time, and there is not a moment everyday where I don't thank God he chose me to be your mommy.

You have brought a joy and love to my heart that I never thought was imaginable.  Your laughter and giggles and lisp have given me more happiness than I thought was possible in a lifetime.  Your personality is everything and more than I thought it should be you are special and funny and stubborn and strong, and  I look forward to watching you learn grow and be a big boy.

Happy Birthday Baby!

Love, Mommy

Monday, December 12, 2011

New Attitude, New Week and some Happy Feet

Last week was a bear because I let the opinion of one jerk and a few of her jerk followers make me feel bad.  But after a discussion with people with real hearts and real souls and not busy bitty's with a sticks up their asses, I was told to take what I needed from that chapter (I learned new things about Autism and ways to advocate for my kids) and leave the rest of the minutia for them to sit and sift through.   Be grateful you gained something good from it and move the frick on.

So onward and upward.  So this week will be filled with

Focusing on my kids, and do some much needed advocating for Autism, lots of letter writing and form filling out for my little guy, and his new adventures in Pre-school that starts in January.  Know on January 3rd I will more than likely need sedation when my baby goes off to his first day of school.

The workouts are kicked up a notch, joined a new gym and am in full 1/2 marathon training mode and need to get and be stronger.

I will eat clean this week and get rid of all of the holiday "goodies" that are not so good to the size of my ass.

I will enjoy the laughter and smiles of my children and let them fill my heart with warmth and comfort.  I mean really, as challenging as my kids can be with Autism, the absolute unconditional joy and love they bring me is so off the hook it is easy to shake the shit off when I get a giggle from Franklin or Jackson.

Enjoy this season of Christmas and the smells and lights and music and time with family.

Both of my kid birthdays are this week just remembering the awesomesauce that they have brought to my life if in the last five year is enough of a boost to make me rise above all minutia.


Friday, December 9, 2011

Life Lessons of the Week

What I learned this week.

  • Bullies come in all shapes, and sizes.
  • You make amends and move forward, if the other party doesn’t that’s not your problem.
  • Just because a bully yells something from the roof top, and a few buffoons listen to them – doesn’t mean “EVERYONE” thinks the bully is right.  It means a couple of chicken shit mice think the bully is the Pied Piper
  • I learned that this is America, and Freedom of Speech is a privilege, but taken advantage of that privilege in a mean, hurtful way erases that privilege in a nano second.
  • I learned that had free rent in a big bully and their minions heads, I'm flattered that someone cared that much about about my life and my issues, but not so happy about my stuff being aired out with their dirty laundry. I feel gross, another shower is in order! 
  • I learned that weak people follow bullies and just because a bully yells something over and over and over doesn’t make it true.
  • I learned that one person’ opinion of me is not my reality.
  • I learned that there are people I wouldn’t want in my life.
  • I learned that I have good friends that accept me no matter what, good, bad, and ugly no matter what.  Even if the bully is desperately screaming to hurt you and tell you differently.
  • I learned that I don’t want people around me that don’t want to be around me
  • I learned that a diversity of opinion won’t hurt you – seriously.
  • I learned that there are a lot of cowards amongst us.
  • I learned that when someone tried to drag my special needs child down that that person has a dark sad vile heart
  • I learned that if you own your stuff, flaws and all, and make amends your side of the street is clean, if they want to keep their neighborhood dirty, it’s none of my business.
  • I learned that I beat cancer, fight severe autism with my kids DAILY, and anyone who wants to bring us down, no longer exists or has power in my world.
  • I learned that me and my true friends ROCK!  My kids are awesome, and anyone that wants to challenge me and that opinion you better bring your “A” game, more than some 4th grade name calling. 
  • I beat cancer, I fight autism, I am a rocking mom and advocate for my children, I’m a great wife, sister, daughter, and friend, if you’re blind to it go get some glasses or go away.
  • I learned that being being bullied sucks but taking that power away from a bully, is yes, awesome.
  • I learned that this particular blog is a HUGE weight off my shoulders.
  • I learned that I can't wait to see my friend for play and lemonade later today :)

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Bootcamp - This mom has chops

As I have embarked on my health and fitness journey I have worked out in my home for the most part and run out on the street or in my own treadmill.  I have done P90X, and the Biggest Loser exercise videos.  I don't belong to a gym because we have been living on such a tight budget because of this bastard of an economy.  So because of my kids and their therapy schedule the easiest thing to do was to workout at home, and I was able to get fit working out in my garage and running through the beautiful green belts of Mission Viejo.

I was invited to an event for a workout this week at Barry's Bootcamp It was touted as the workout of the stars,  and the workouts have been on TV on Good Morning America, Today Show, etc.  Their website was informative and stated that it was an interval workout between the treadmill and floor work with weights.   Okay, that seemed easy enough, that is pretty much what I do at home.

So I arrived at the gym 10 minutes before class was supposed to start. It was in a place borderline Irvine/Newport Beach. I liked the gym it was small and clean.  Most of the time when I go into an exercise facility there is a stench of sweat and mildew that just makes you know you know you are sitting in the middle of a Petrie dish waiting to catch the next super virus. Yes, I am a bit of a germophobe. That was a big plus to see someone cleaning and there was no stale sweat and mildew stench for me. I met the instructor Roni and just old her a little about my weight loss and that I was a runner. She was very nice and said this was going to be hard but that I should be able to keep up.

I noticed people filing into the room and got a little intimidated because I am certain I was the oldest one in there by about 15 years. But heck, on my way to workout I heard on the radio that Dara Torres the ageless wonder was qualifying for the 2012 Olympics at 43 years old, so if she could do the Olympics, I could do a 1 hour boot camp.

As the instructor started she explained that we were going to 6 minute intervals between the treadmill and floor work. I am very comfortable on the trendy so off we went. Now my running on my treadmill has always been at about 5 mph kicking it up to 6 or 6.5 sometimes. Well, Dorothy you are not in Kansas anymore. We were going to do running, which was between 5 and 7 mph and sprinting between 8 and 12 mph. I don't really know how I contained my laughter because my former fatass, can not sprint did she not realize I am a 43 year old mom and I am the fat girl not the athlete that the instructor is?   I trot along on my runs at about 5 mph, and don't get too winded, but am able to go for a good distance now.  The sprint intervals were 45 seconds and 1 minute. Roni the instructor said you can do anything for 1 minute. Well she was right, the former fat ass sprinted at 9mph for a minute.  I was sucking some serious wind, but I did all the intervals.   I did the weights and floor work it was all very challenging and a little painful. But I did the class the whole hour and was very happy for myself. It was eye opening at how much further I have to go in my fitness journey and what areas I need to work on. The staff at Barry's Boot Camp was helpful, welcoming and motivating. I recommend the facility in Irvine if you feel so inclined to kick your workout up a notch. 2 days from the workout I am very sore but going to get out there for my run this morning. I still have my 1/2 marathon in 8 weeks.


(Disclaimer: I was not compensated for this blog but offered a discount for classes at Barry's Boot Camp. And I will go back and utilize my discount)

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Monday, November 28, 2011

Before, During, and always In Progress

I spent a couple of days at my parents house over the holiday break.  On an insomnia attack, I was going through old photos of my moms on the computer, and was absolutely friggin stunned at what I saw.

I have been on this fitness journey for most of this year, I started and fell off many times last year, but in March when I hit the 1 year cancer free mark I went balls out and have worked to get and stay fit.

Well what I found on the computer was depressing.  I don't know, how I didn't see it before, but my Lord how did I let myself get like that?

That unhealthy life had to be a contributing factor to getting cancer, along with the genetic factors I had working against me.   But the cancer was really what scared me into getting fit.  Not skinny, not looking better, but actually BEING better.  A better person, mom, wife, sister, daughter, friend.  I had no other choice to be around for my kids and care for them.  So I bit the bullet, and started walking, committed to exercising 20 minutes a day, and slowly changed my nutrition.

I did not join a gym or give any fitness guru a dollar.  I had been there and done that a million times.  I watched Biggest Loser, and thought if those chubettes could run, then my fat ass could run.  So off I went, and I just completed my first 10K and am training for my first 1/2 marathon.  I am a damn runner, it happened.  I really am a runner, I don't know how it happened.  I don't love running, but I NEED to do it.  I need to get on the tready or the road many times a week.

Before I started to notice the weight loss, I noticed the mental part.  I was on anti-depressants thinking that was a cure all for everything that had happened in a year.  Cancer, Autism diagnosis, husband in rehab,  craptastic economy, just crappy life circumstances.

July 2011 In Progress
But as a ran, I craved better food, I craved exercise and sweating, and getting out of drama and strife.  I don't want those things around me they made me fat, and I don't want to go back to this BEFORE, I want to stay "in progress",  I don't think I want to be an "after" ever, because that might tell my feeble mind that I don't have to work anymore and that I can stop.  I am choosing "Before" and "In Progress" - hopefully for always.  I am no expert, no guru, no genius, I just found something that is working for me and was able to tap into some online resources, and this is the most successful I have ever been at a fitness goal. 

If you are sitting there, just wanting to be different, you can, if I can you can.

October 2011 84 lbs off and happy and getting healthy

Before Cancer
November 2009 Before Cancer