Monday, March 12, 2018

The Self-Care has to be Real

Okay, so I did it. I got on the scale.  The scale for my whole life has been my nemesis. And it is a jackass.  Just sayin'.  But so am I.  

I am kicking my own ass for a little bit here.  Because this is just stupid.  I'm a special needs mom, and I don't have the luxury of being and choosing unhealthy for myself.  I just don't.  I am WIDE AWAKE and AWARE that there is no one in our life, NO ONE, that will take my kids on if I am no longer here to care for them.  So the fact that I choose to have ice cream at night, and not exercise for the last month, and FEEL SORRY FOR MYSELF, and SAD for my kids.  Is no longer acceptable.  I have to make the new NORMAL, healthy, happy, strong, CONSISTENT, and get off the pitty potty of tiny aches and pains, and I'm tired, and I'm annoyed, and I deserve that 4500 calorie meal.....  NO I DON'T.  I deserve a life of health (I survived cancer for crying out loud), I am 50 years old now, and I'm not getting any younger.

So today, I'm making myself accountable. This health and happiness thing is attainable.  This strong boy is under neath all this chubby, and this pitty potty is getting remodeled and we are going to have a super standard of attainable room.  It's not about how I look, or that stupid number on the scale (it kinda is) But this is DOABLE. I can, you can.


I'm a fat girl, I know what to do, I know what to eat, I know how to eat, and when to eat, and I don't need to (or have the money to pay for stuff that I already know).  I mean for real, don't all fat people know EXACTLY what to do.  Now I just have to change my mind and my choices.

I have lost 70lbs before, I have RUN 10 Half Marathons, I have beat cancer, and I take on the beast of Autism every single day. Exercising for 30 minutes and eating right ARE THE EASY part.  Staying on the track in this labyrinth of special need momming is the hard part.  I plan on slipping and falling, and I plan on having a hard time, and I plan on probably bitching a lot, but I PLAN ON SUCCEEDING.  I mean really - if I put it this way.  What more important that bowl of ice cream, or me making sure I'm here when Franklin is an adult?  What is more important lying on the couch and watching some SERIOUSLY stupid TV, or walking around the block and making sure my heart is healthy for the adult autism life?

2 days ago I walked up 2 flights of stairs and was so winded I almost cried.  That is effing ridiculous.  Like I said I have run 10 half marathons.  What in the hell?  I let a huge setback in my sons life take over my life, I consumed crap to cover up the hurt feelings, and fear.  

While my story isn't as fun or exciting as the mommy bloggers that got free tummy tucks, and lost 40lbs in a day. My story will be full of laughs, tears and probably curse words.  But it will be full of health, change, and success - because my kids are counting on my
So I can be a special needs mom that gives into the stress and can't guarantee that I'm around for my kids later, or I can be a special needs mom that makes our life happy, healthy and strong.  Because when I am happy, healthy and strong, so is my family.

If you're a special needs mom.  Self care is important, really effing important.  Self care is also family care.  I took SUPER BITCH to a whole new level this week after not exercising for 3 weeks, it's my release, it take the steam and frustration and sadness out of me.   

I know there are a lot of special needs moms that find excuses (because it's easy too, I GET THAT), but man I can't look at not taking care of myself anymore, when I realized there really is no one to care for my kids when I die.   My health, strength and happiness is THEIR health, strength and happiness.

So the journey start - Follow along on Instagram @realmomofoc.

Healthy Trails to you!