I think when I looked at the calendar and realized that I'm now officially 3 months away I started feeling anxiety in my heart and breathing and those "I can't" voices started chattering in the back of my head. But they can kiss my ass. This is the longest that I have ever stuck to any fitness program in my life. For crying out loud, I have to run. I don't have a choice, it keeps me sane. Even if I don't want to run races, I better not stop running. The running got me off anti-depressants, cleared the fog of life off my brain, allowed me to focus on something else than Autism, therapies, speech, diets, and the reality of that for short spurts of time a few times a week. Those "I can't" voices, are not beating me this time. This I do for me, I have to do this so I that I can do for my kids. I'm not fooling anyone, I'm not a crazy good athlete, I'm not a "real" runner. It helps me, I need to do it, like diabetics need to take insulin, I need to run. It's good for me, I need to do it, it's like a medicine for me, and that is why I do it.
I will be ready for this half marathon, and I will make it my race, and I will run it at my pace. I don't have to win, I just have to do it.
I follow bloggers, and websites for weightloss and fitness and that has been such a blessing to me and my journey of my health. This year I have lost 80 lbs (so far), gained some confidence, been able to finish races, gained a ton of respect for running moms, and runners in general. Really have learned patience that I have been able to carry through to my kids, friends and family. This running that I'm not crazy about is making me a better person, better wife, better mommy, better everything. So like it or not, I'm continuing this journey because now that I have a slight grip on my physical health, I don't want to let it go.
So Tinkerbell and I have a date in January, and I will keep you posted on how the training is going.