Wednesday, October 26, 2011

I wonder what it's like....

After the last two weeks of someone and their horrible attitude and outlook upon life has worked my last nerve, I have to wonder what it's like.....
  • to find the bad in EVERY situation (like winning the lotto, but would cry about having to pay the taxes on winnings)
  • to have their lunch made and packed for them every day yet bitch that the lettuce was not chopped enough
  • to have a smoothie made for them every morning and bitch about the consistency
  • to have all their clothes laid out and whine about the shirts that are put out for them
  • whining about going to work and all the over time they volunteer for.   But when there isnt' enough overtime the whining doesn't stop either
  • after watching a child go through months and months of speech therapy and even though the kid has words there is no smile just the sad question "when is he going to say sentences?
So basically I wonder what it is like to be my husband.

These little things that have been going on daily for the last couple of weeks have about got me unglued.  My husband and has his neurosis have driven me crazy.  His malcontent statements and actions are giving me insomnia.  I have spent too many nights wondering what on earth can you do to make someone that will find the bad in everything happy.  What I determined in the last couple of days is that the happiness has to come from within, and as much as he wants to beat me and what I do down on how crappy I do everything, HE is just an unhappy bastard.   I am not perfect far from it, so I can't even be perfectly imperfect.  It's impossible to everything right, and it's impossible to do everything wrong (no matter what he says).  I have been told I don't take good care enough of the kids, that I'm lazy, that I need to make more money, and I'm frankly ready to tape his mouth up with duct tape until his attitude changes, or kick his teeth in whichever comes first.  Now everyday is not like this but he has periods that last like this for a few weeks every couple months and this time, I'm not biting or fighting back, I'm just ignoring the bad behavior, and hoping it or he will just go away.  This is one of those lovely things a sober alcoholic goes through and I have to put my Al-Anon to use and just not buy into his crap.  It's so HARD not to fight back, because those words hurt, but they just flat out aren't true. 



  1. You are a braver woman than me.

  2. and words can not be taken back. I'm sorry you are going through this...continue to NOT believe the crap that he is spewing and KNOW that you are beautiful inside and out!