Shallow Stick Figures with No Souls - AKA Real Housewives of Orange County

So last week when I was home with a little one, I turned on Bravo to see if I could lose some brain cells.  There was a few days of Real Housewives of Orange County Marathon.   If you ever need to feel morally, spiritually, and ethically superior - this show does wonders for my self esteem.  Hopefully Season 12 won't be a snoozer, but we have a good mix of bi-polar, alcoholic, narcissism, self absorption, crass and tacky with a side of false eyelashes and too much makeup to make for a good watch.

I wish they would change the name of the show to Drunken Chicks without Psych Meds.  There isn't anything real about them, they're not housewives, and there is nothing ladylike or anything that speaks for us REAL moms and wives in Orange County.  So I'm going to keep it about the comic relief because it's a train wreck that for a decade I haven't been able to not watch. I love it, it's my thing and yes slightly pathetic.  But seriously my life is hard and I need some mindless banter sometimes and they provide the perfect recipe for mindless........

Vicki for the love of God.  You have not in 12 seasons been nice to anyone that has walked on "your show".  So for you to demand that people be nice to you, I couldn't stop laughing.  You and the angry drunk Kelly Dodd sat in your office mocking an empty parking lot, yeah that's nice, and productive "go to work", as you say.  You are the neediest most narcissistic broad ever and it just gets worse every year.  I have watched you make your daughters surgery and illness about you, I have watched you blame everyone for your affairs, I have watched you blame everyone and try to play the victim in every way possible. Also, you're not Jesus being nailed to the cross,  I have laughed at that one for 2 years.    I have mocked you for begging people for compliments, and trying to convince your adult children that you were Low-Maintenance - even they see through your shallow self.  But I have to keep watching so that I can spot the signs of narcissism and pray that I or anyone near me is never as self absorbed as you.   You met with Lydia, and had to rip her personality apart before you complimented her?  What's with that?  You're the kind of women that women want to smack in the head.   And one question, since you all left Ryan in Oklahoma that place you hate and the people in it, did you bury him there after he went bat shit crazy because someone put her feet up on the couch?

Oh Tamra, it's good that you found the Lord and your faith.  It does take life changing hurts to usually bring people to God for life changing experience.  So why if you have gone to all this work with your faith do you surround yourself with these evil nut jobs????  Oh that's right because you're the shit stirrer and look for shit to throw in the pot to keep the focus off of the life you're trying to avoid.  You
have become a much more rounded softer person over the years, but for crying out loud, you're just a fine line of Vicki narcissism away from demise.  It's clear you chose the fame of Bravo over your kids.  Own that, and admit it, everyone knows that you made that choice but you.

Shannon, oh Shannon.  You're a shit show of mental illness.   Can you just pretend to be grateful for the amazing life you have?  Let Vicki go.  Vicki didn't make you gain weight she hardly shoved the bread and Grey Goose down your throat.  So lose the weight, we've all been there, and quit whining about it.  Your sadness and hurt, and anger will do nothing good for anyone.  There is no feng shui that will remove your hurt.   Forgive and move on.

Lydia, you're sweet.  I just like you as a mom, a person, you're fun.  These ladies are mean, and OMG arms distance.

Meghan - Congratulations on that baby. Can't wait to see how you jump into drama that has nothing to do with you.  You're young,   you're not a middle aged desperate for attention OC wife yet.  Don't do what those crack pots do.

Kelly - Whoa, still nuts, still annoying, still angry, still useless.  Tamra is the shit stirrer, you're the ingredient in the pot that brings the stink.  Man I can't figure you out except maybe bi-polar alcoholic.  Holy crap you are the train wreck that keeps on giving.  So I can't wait to see what you bring.

Diamond Sports Car Lady - OY Vey, we will see what you bring, but I saw you filming in Laguna not long ago, and you're high maintenance and a little bit full of yourself - seriously.

Real Moms vs. Real Housewives Episode 9 Real Moms Kick Ass

I watched the episode of the Real Train Wrecks of Orange County.  The last couple weeks have been pretty boring for the ladies. (I really am using the term "ladies" loosely)  There is only so much self-induced drama and narcissism that you can comment on week after week.

 In the last couple of weeks we've got Alexis crying like a baby because her husband didn't go to dinner party with her, so she hid in the bathroom,  really???? Alexis, put on your big girl panties before you go out and SUCK IT UP.  You said Jim didn't like hanging with those women, well I've watched your husband on TV and maybe there are some of the chicks that don't like him either.  He's a little bit creepy and egotistical and hypocritical, and should may be worry about paying your mortgage than hanging out with a bunch of middle aged busy bodies.    You claim to be rich, yet you short sold your house.  The funniest thing ever was when the Bellino's lawyer said the short sale or loan modification was a good business decision, and in following week's episode he spent $27K on watches.  I thought the bible said to pay your debts.  Perhaps those scriptures are to inconvenient to live by, because as Alexis says "I'll lie, and then God forgives me".    I am pretty sure that is more facial inject able brain paralysis because I'm not sure that is the teachings of the Christian church.  Yes, God does forgive, but if you choose to do wrong when you know it's wrong because Gods' going to forgive you......  might want to talk to that preacher about that.  Here is a tip based off of just plain old common sense.  Rich people pay their mortgages, and they also know the definition of couture.  Seriously,  your definition was clothes that are for the rich...... stop injecting crap into your face it's making you stupid.    I looked at your dress line $69 for a cotton sundress, well there ain't a real woman in OC I know that is buying a beach cover up for $70 from a woman who doesn't pay her bills, but good luck to ya.

Vicki and Tamra you sat there like the mean girls sitting in the back of the high school bus.  Did y'all never learn the rule, if you can't say anything nice - then don't say anything.  God, you really must think that you two got it going on.  Vicki you are horribly rude and disrespectful to your husband and have been for most seasons  (blame it on the editing).  But for the love of God, if all you have to do is talk about how much you work and how much you like to work, and how great you are at work, and how awesome you are because you work and anyone that doesn't work like you you turn your nose up to and judge.  Well I hope Coto Insurance fills your "love tank" because if you treat people that lousy forever that's all you're going to have.   And Vicki maybe so you can work less, give some of these chicks jobs so the taxpayers can stop supporting them through loan modifications.

Tamra.   You have for sure have hit the parental trifecta for public humiliation on your children.  I know, I know you don't allow your kids to watch the show.  But you can not tell me that the Botox has paralyzed the common sense part of your brain.  Do you think that the children around you aren't watching and torturing those kids at school?  Let's see, naked in a bathtub with a guy you knew about 6 days, body shots, and lesbian making out and yapping about it.  Oh and for the extra you talking about how wasted you were that you didn't even know what you were doing.  Didn't you say last year you were wasted at your party where you were trying to get Gretchen "naked wasted"?   You're 43 years old, grow up, your kids are looking to you for an example.

Reading the newspaper this morning is what set me off today,  that Peggy Tanous is delinquent for years on her property taxes and doesn't pay her mortgage and has the gall to say, the lender "wants to foreclose on us" is what really made me angry.   Here is some reality for your reality TV.   Honey, you drive a Bentley, just had plastic surgery, and obviously inject a lot of crap into your face and you choose to do that over pay your mortgage.  This was the article that sent me over the edge.   http://bit.ly/lTQHsa    You can not be that delusional to think that plastic surgery should come before your mortgage.  Apparently all those facial inject ables do something to the moral compass of the brain of a woman in Orange County.     I am clipping coupons and coloring my own hair because my husband is a stickler for paying our mortgage, and I am doing without shopping, and manicures so I can stay home and really take care of my kids.  WTF?????   We all have lost value in our homes, that does not give you the right or invitation to put your irresponsibility onto the rest of us that are working our tails off just to keep our heads above water.    You are a cry baby about Alexis and seriously buck up and do something but bitch on this show, perhaps use the salary that you make on it to PAY YOUR MORTGAGE so the rest of us don't have to.     You are not and can not be what is portrayed as a woman or a mom of Orange County.  There is not a self-respecting woman that I know that lives here that would pull the shenanigans that you and the Bellino's have done with your homes.

Gretchen, go get your own show, go away from Slade.  Work on the voice a little you still sound like a yipping chihuahua.  Those women are poisonous, and they don't bring out the best in you, so stay in Costa Mesa and let Tamra and Vicki be jealous of you from a far.  Because for sure it is Tamra is jealous of you.  Just take the high road and be a lot classier than her. (Not that would take very much).

I began watching this show years ago because they all lived near me, and I frequented establishments that were on the show, and it was the most exciting thing that happened in this area that rolls up the sidewalks at 9pm.  But there is now a lack of Reality on this Reality TV show.  To the rest of the country,  these chicks ARE NOT in any way shape or form indicative of the class and morals of "Real Moms" of Orange County.  A "Real Mom" vs. A "Real Housewife"  is a good person, family before self, works hard, loves more, gives for their family.  There is no narcissism, no me time, no shopping before bills, we workout and go to the store without the full Drag Queen make up going on.  Real Moms do not wear La Cage Au Folles Eyelash extensions to the gym.  If we have grey hairs showing because she needed tires on her car before a beauty treatment so be it.  If she has to paint her own toes or goes without a manicure or pedicure because her kids wanted swim lessons, it's for the kids.  Real Moms are amazing and would walk through fire for the families and their friends.  Real Housewives,  there is nothing behind that you facade has to offer that I would ever give up.  You are an embarrassment to the real women of Orange County.

You really pissed me off this morning.  But that's cool, I'll get a good run out of it.

Rebecca

I'll Give Up A Lot, but Never this Stuff

In this crappy economy and the “change” that isn’t working (at least for me) there have been a lot of things that I’m sure all families have had to cut back on or cut out – unless of course you are a “Real Housewife”.  But this is another testimonial at how much more it rocks to be a “Real Mom” over a real housewife.

Going from being a working woman to a (for the most part) stay at home mom, my part time job from 5am – 10am allows my husband and I to be with our kids all the time, has caused a decline in income.  With the decline in income for the past couple of years, and Autism and Cancer in our house we have had to cut back and cut out some things and adjust our lifestyle accordingly.  Unlike the Real Train Wrecks who spend and spend even though there are notices of default filed on many of their homes, my husband insists we pay our mortgage (he’s a stickler)  before Botox or plastic surgery or just general shopping for clothes that are ridiculously expensive.

After the last couple of years of “doing without” and adjusting our lifestyle I am happy to report that I am no longer feeling deprived because of the things that I have cut back or cut out completely.

I have however, realized the following list of things that I CAN NOT live without.

I CAN NOT LIVE WITHOUT:

• The look on Franklin’s face when he sees me when I pick him up from school
• The way Jackson runs to me when I get home from work and plants a big ‘ol sloppy kiss on me.
• Our family drives into Silverado Canyon so the boys can throw rocks in the creek.
• Wrestling on the bed with daddy and the boys
• Doing puzzles, building blocks, and playing cars
• The patter of bare feet running on hardwood floors
• After dinner walks to the park to play
• Swimming with my kids
• Neighborhood get-togethers
• Spending time with our friends and families
• Watching my 2 little boys sleep peacefully.
• Getting out on the road for a nice run.

There are a few things that I miss about having a disposable income like Pedicures, and getting my hair done, especially after my last home hair color debacle that made me look like Elvira Mistress of  the Dark, and sometimes when I have an extra $20 I may go get a pedicure to get an hour of silence to myself, but the whole time I’m there I can’t wait to get home to my kiddos and husband to hear the giggles and pandemonium that is the life of a “Real Mom”.  It is so much different and so much more fulfilling than a “Real Housewife” will ever be.

 Rebecca

Real Housewives vs. Real Moms - Episode 4 Orange County

Well I'm going to have to say, these women get more and more laughable every week.  They can not actually think that there is any reality in their "REALITY" tv show.

"Housewives" of Orange County please take heed in what us Real Moms are saying here, you are EMBARRASSING those of us that strive to provide happy homes for our families.

VICKI - It can not be possible for someone of your stature that has built the empire you have with the beautiful home and amazing kids and husband to actually whine and be as needy as you are.   You chose to be friends with Tamra she pissed you off, she said she was sorry, get over it!!!  I am not Tamra fan by any means but she extended the olive branch and you just kept tearing away at it and being a big baby about the whole thing.  I mean if it was that bad what she did that you are still yapping like an over indulged Chihuahua a year later perhaps a therapist or medication is in order.  Why soooooo needy.  And if you have the time to take with Tamra why not take that kind of time with Don, and why so disrespectful of your husband on television.  That is a public humiliation to Don who was nothing but good to you and your kids for many years.  That is much worse than anything Tamra ever did to you.  But in true Vicki fashion I am sure you will find a way to whine about your love tank not being full when you obviously ignore your husband.  I really used to admire you as the Housewife you'd want to be, but man where is the gratitude for all you have, you just are whiny like having a four year old around at all times.    I really hope you are never effected by a bad economy or anything like that because I can not imagine you bitching about how hard your life is anymore, when it really is a dream existence for some.  But I will be grateful for my small home my big mortgage and my older clothes and tiny part time job without whining about anything.  Attitude of Gratitude Vicki and watch out for Tamra she is NOTHING BUT TROUBLE.

GRETCHEN - You aren't really a housewife.  But if you have to continually question marriage to Sleazy Slade, he is not the one.  Kick to the Curb and Move on.  At least make him wash his hair, he looks oily.

PEGGY - I feel that your post-partum depression really effected you and that you are coming out of that dark tunnel on the other side.  What a horrible disorder.  Beautiful babies you have and it makes it all worth it.   My hats off to you that is REAL MOM class and courage to walk through that.    When those babies get a little bigger and they get a cut, your anxiety will go way down and there will be a lot less trips to the hospital.

ALEXIS - Your dresses are pretty, but of all the Real Moms I know, I have never seen one of them in a get up like that picking there kids up from school.  I rarely sport my Manolos or Jimmy Choo's with an off the shoulder frock in car line,  I save those outfits (oh that's right I don't have those outfits because my husband insists we pay our mortgage) for the one night out on a special outing or a vacation.    But it is admirable that you are trying to make a new dress line it's a fairly cool thing.  As you're sitting there thinking of designs, remember us Real Moms.   Tamra is not your friend she totally talked trash in her sidebar interview.  Kick her to the curb.

TAMRA - I find it amusing that you blocked me off of your twitter this week.  You won't take a little jabbling from me, but you will shovel loads and loads of meanness at your "co-workers"/friends.  You talk horribly all the time about all the people you are involved with.  Step it up, your kids are looking for guidance, and unless you are ready for them to be on the next season of "Teen Mom" - CLASS IT UP.  Can you imagine the immeasurable amount of teasing that those poor kids are getting because you know their friends or friends parents are watching you do body shots, talk about new sex with a guy you dated about 3 hours, and the drunken stooper,  trips to the lesbian pond (WHAT THE HELL?) .   You are not putting those kids and their needs first.  What do you think your kids are being or are going to be tortured because you choose to consistently act like a skank on NATIONAL TV.  Get a hobby, maybe do something for charity, I don't know call me crazy but wouldn't you rather use your notoriety for something good or do you prefer the title of biggest Skank in OC????   Maybe your agent or Bravo really didn't tell you the name of this show is "REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ORANGE COUNTY" it isn't JERSEY SHORE.    I'm thinking that can be the only explanation for your ignorance and total lack or respect and kindness and common sense for your kids sake.

I know that most of them could care less what I say, and I used to really want that lifestyle, but seriously now, I think that there is not a thing that you women have that would make me want to give up Real Mom status, my friends and our older cars, clothes, paid mortgages, and amazing kids with and without special needs are what makes Orange County spin.   You ladies are a facade.   I hope that there is some spiritual awakening that happens to you women so to minimize the amount of therapy your kids are going to have to go through when they get old enough to Google you and your antics.


Rebecca