Tuesday, July 11, 2017

Shallow Stick Figures with No Souls - AKA Real Housewives of Orange County

So last week when I was home with a little one, I turned on Bravo to see if I could lose some brain cells.  There was a few days of Real Housewives of Orange County Marathon.   If you ever need to feel morally, spiritually, and ethically superior - this show does wonders for my self esteem.  Hopefully Season 12 won't be a snoozer, but we have a good mix of bi-polar, alcoholic, narcissism, self absorption, crass and tacky with a side of false eyelashes and too much makeup to make for a good watch.

I wish they would change the name of the show to Drunken Chicks without Psych Meds.  There isn't anything real about them, they're not housewives, and there is nothing ladylike or anything that speaks for us REAL moms and wives in Orange County.  So I'm going to keep it about the comic relief because it's a train wreck that for a decade I haven't been able to not watch. I love it, it's my thing and yes slightly pathetic.  But seriously my life is hard and I need some mindless banter sometimes and they provide the perfect recipe for mindless........

Vicki for the love of God.  You have not in 12 seasons been nice to anyone that has walked on "your show".  So for you to demand that people be nice to you, I couldn't stop laughing.  You and the angry drunk Kelly Dodd sat in your office mocking an empty parking lot, yeah that's nice, and productive "go to work", as you say.  You are the neediest most narcissistic broad ever and it just gets worse every year.  I have watched you make your daughters surgery and illness about you, I have watched you blame everyone for your affairs, I have watched you blame everyone and try to play the victim in every way possible. Also, you're not Jesus being nailed to the cross,  I have laughed at that one for 2 years.    I have mocked you for begging people for compliments, and trying to convince your adult children that you were Low-Maintenance - even they see through your shallow self.  But I have to keep watching so that I can spot the signs of narcissism and pray that I or anyone near me is never as self absorbed as you.   You met with Lydia, and had to rip her personality apart before you complimented her?  What's with that?  You're the kind of women that women want to smack in the head.   And one question, since you all left Ryan in Oklahoma that place you hate and the people in it, did you bury him there after he went bat shit crazy because someone put her feet up on the couch?

Oh Tamra, it's good that you found the Lord and your faith.  It does take life changing hurts to usually bring people to God for life changing experience.  So why if you have gone to all this work with your faith do you surround yourself with these evil nut jobs????  Oh that's right because you're the shit stirrer and look for shit to throw in the pot to keep the focus off of the life you're trying to avoid.  You
have become a much more rounded softer person over the years, but for crying out loud, you're just a fine line of Vicki narcissism away from demise.  It's clear you chose the fame of Bravo over your kids.  Own that, and admit it, everyone knows that you made that choice but you.

Shannon, oh Shannon.  You're a shit show of mental illness.   Can you just pretend to be grateful for the amazing life you have?  Let Vicki go.  Vicki didn't make you gain weight she hardly shoved the bread and Grey Goose down your throat.  So lose the weight, we've all been there, and quit whining about it.  Your sadness and hurt, and anger will do nothing good for anyone.  There is no feng shui that will remove your hurt.   Forgive and move on.

Lydia, you're sweet.  I just like you as a mom, a person, you're fun.  These ladies are mean, and OMG arms distance.

Meghan - Congratulations on that baby. Can't wait to see how you jump into drama that has nothing to do with you.  You're young,   you're not a middle aged desperate for attention OC wife yet.  Don't do what those crack pots do.

Kelly - Whoa, still nuts, still annoying, still angry, still useless.  Tamra is the shit stirrer, you're the ingredient in the pot that brings the stink.  Man I can't figure you out except maybe bi-polar alcoholic.  Holy crap you are the train wreck that keeps on giving.  So I can't wait to see what you bring.

Diamond Sports Car Lady - OY Vey, we will see what you bring, but I saw you filming in Laguna not long ago, and you're high maintenance and a little bit full of yourself - seriously.

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