7 weeks and counting

I have signed up to run the OC Half Marathon.  It was my first half marathon, and this will be my 3rd time running it, and my 5th half marathon.  While I have struggled with running, and had a huge lack of consistency over the last year, I FINALLY feel like I'm in a groove and training well and will be ready to go on race day.

When I started running it was simply to get me out of the house for a 20 - 45 minutes alone with no one needing anything from me.  It was therapeutic, it was cathartic, it was necessary for my sanity.  I've said it before and I'll say it again, the $90 I spent on my first pair of running shoes was the absolute cheapest form of therapy I could have found.

Now I started running relatively late in my life - in my mid 40's, but I think that makes me a little bit more of a bad ass.  Because as you age and stuff, you have a lot of aches and pains anyway and with running and exercising, I've just added to all of that.  I started running because I was scared shitless my cancer would come back, and I need to get and stay healthy as fast and as cheaply as possible, the solution was running,

So I'm kicking up my weekly mileage right now to build up my endurance for race day.  I don't feel so confident as a runner that I run with people, because let's face it, I AM SLOW.  Painfully slow, and I'm not sure how to speed up, so I'm working on my treadmill and doing some High Intensity Intervals to help.  I don't have a coach, I follow runners on social media, and hope that what I read kicks in some knowledge that will help me. 

But who am I kidding? I don't know most of the terms runners use,  tempo runs, hill repeaters, PR.  I just want to finish the damn race!!  So that's how I roll.  I will work on my endurance try to speed it up a bit, and finish at a faster time than I did the last time.  I'm an old lady runner, and I'm totally cool with it.  I am faster than a couch potatoe and a turtle, so I've got that going for me ;)

As I embark on this training, I have to remember, I'm healthy enough to run, I beat cancer, I fight autism x2 daily, and I am sober, a half marathon is really a piece of cake! 

My apology to my son

Dear Franklin,

I am so sorry and have been full of doubt and guilt for – well doubt of my mothering abilities probably since your birth and guilt since the second some professional told me you had autism.  I let some people that work with you convince me that you were not worthy of the help you need, I let their words cloud my judgment where you were concerned, and I let precious time be wasted. 

You see, there is no instruction manual for typical children, and there is absolutely no manual to maneuver your way through the labyrinth of life after you are labeled  “special needs”.   There are so called “professionals” that really have a passion for children like you and want to help, but are corn hold because of a horrible defective system.  There are so called professionals that are out for a money grab, and don’t really care if they help you or not, they just want to get their check.  There are professionals that pull at the heartstrings of families that so desperately want help, with no guarantees, and very large expenses.  I’ve pretty much lost faith in the professionals – it has been the mommies, and the daddies, that have lifted us up, and helped us and guided the families in how to survive the jungle of special education.  And for those families we will never be able to express our true gratitude, except to pay it forward to the newly diagnosed families.

Mommy took the professionals at their word that they had your best interests at heart.  I believed them when they said you were getting an appropriate amount of services for your level of cognition.  (WHICH WAS A LIE)

 I believed them, when they said this might be as good as you get. (WHICH IS NOT TRUE)

 I believed them when they said, you may want to consider just making him comfortable this might be all there is for him. (WHICH IS UNACCEPTABLE)

 I believed them, when they said you were not teachable because your behavior was too challenging.  (YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEM, THE PROFESSIONALS ARE THE PROBLEM)

 I believed them when they tried to make me doubt you and what is inside, and lost sight of what an amazing little boy you are.

So my pledge to you baby boy, is to NEVER EVER take a professionals word with a bit of sincerity.  I will always find a way to help you.  I will never take no for an answer. I will never let anyone lessen your worth because you are different, I will never let someone work with you that does not believe in you and your abilities.  I will not let anyone work with you that do not think they are capable of offering solution to your life.  I will make sure that I always listen to my mommy gut, and will not let a bunch of initials behind someone’s name determine that they know you better than me, after a 20 minute assessment. I will take this ProLoQuo 2 Go, and let it give you the voice you so desperately deserve.  I want nothing more in my life to hear your thoughts and wants, and likes and dislikes.  I can't wait for wait is about to come.  In 2 days since another mommy told me how to help you, you have amazed me (and I think yourself) with what you can do.

You are the most amazing thing I have done with my life, and I’m so sorry I let my loyalty to you, and what I thought was best for you weaken, because of the minutia that I was being fed by some stupid ignorant people with degrees.  I will never stop believing in you. I will go to the ends of the earth to search out help for you and I will always make sure that YOUR best interest is in my heart, not the convenience of a few.

I love you baby, and I will never stop standing strong for you.

Mommy

Knott's for the Cure - Ticket Giveway

As a breast cancer survivor, nothing warms my heart more than an organization doing what it can to help spread awareness and help for the cure.

Knott’s Berry Farm and Susan G. Komen Orange County are working together to raise money for breast cancer awareness, services and research by offering a special “Pink Ticket” and limited edition specially designed “pink” merchandise from February 1 through March 31st.

“It is wonderful to see Snoopy hugging Woodstock on top of the logo for Knott’s Berry Farm for the Cure benefiting Susan G. Komen Orange County,” said Lisa Wolter, Executive Director of the Komen Orange County Affiliate. “This partnership will raise much needed funds for mammograms and breast health outreach, and it shows the warmth and caring embrace we can all extend to women and families going through their struggle with breast cancer.”
 
In Orange County, one in eight women will be diagnosed with breast cancer. Thanks to Komen’s funding of research, new treatments and awareness of the importance of annual mammograms to detect breast cancer in its earliest and most curable stages, the survival rate for breast cancer has risen dramatically over the 33 years of the organization. The Orange County Komen Affiliate provides mammograms for uninsured women and works with other organizations to bring breast health information to people throughout the county.
 
The promotion will provide guests with the opportunity to enjoy Knott’s world class entertainment, attractions and specially-themed “pink” décor, while supporting an important cause that touches many women. Starting February 1, through March 31, guests can purchase “Pink Tickets” for theme park admission only online at www.knotts.com. A portion of the “Pink Tickets” proceeds will benefit Susan G. Komen Orange County.
 
Knott’s Berry Farm has kicked off the promotion by donating $25,000 to Susan G. Komen Orange County. The money that the theme park has already donated will provide 400 women in Orange County with life-saving breast health services. Guests entering the theme park during the time of the promotion will be greeted by a pink Knott’s Berry Farm for the Cure display adorned with Snoopy and his pal Woodstock. Guests can purchase a commemorative limited edition magnet to place on the special display in honor of, or in memory of, someone affected by breast cancer. The magnet will be sold at select merchandise locations inside Knott’s Berry Farm and all proceeds will benefit Komen Orange County.

To be eligible to win 2 tickets to Knott's Berry Farm

• Please ‘Like’ Knotts Berry Farm on Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/KnottsBerryFarm
• Please follow on Twitter: https://twitter.com/knotts
• Please follow on Instagram: http://instagram.com/knottsberryfarm
• Please ask them to use #KnottsPink on any social posts if they share the contest.
• One winner per household.
• The giveaway should run until February 8th, and the winner will be able to use their tickets anytime in 2014.
  
  
  Rebecca

New Years Eve at Knott's Ticket Giveaway!

The countdown to the New Year is on at Knott's Merry Farm!  With special fireworks, live entertainment, and extended hours until 1:00am, Knott's is the place to ring in 2014!  The celebration is included with regular daytime admission or a Season Pass.  And join the countdown conversation using #KnottsNYE. 

It has become a family tradition.  The last 3 years we have spent New Years Eve at Knott's Berry Farm.  It is a very special place for us.  My children love it, the rides are great, the food is wonderful, and it's the perfect place for families with kids of all ages.  It has a little something for everyone.  My kids love the rides, my husband and I enjoy and indulge on the food, and the entertainment is great.  

Special one-night-only entertainment serves up family fun for a variety of ages and interests, including the Midnight Party on the Midway! Count down the New Year with music, stilt walkers, party hats, and noisemakers for everyone. And new this year, the Knott’s Sky Cabin, adorned with special lighting effects, will dramatically rise to the top of the “K” tower to count down the final moments of 2013. The cabin will reach the top at the stroke of midnight and the skies above Knott’s will be ablaze with colorful fireworks!

So I hope you win the tickets and we get to see you at the best New Years Eve Celebration in Southern California.


To Win Tickets to Knotts please do the following to enter the contest, and comment that you have done so.

Please ‘like’ Knotts Berry Farm on Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/KnottsBerryFarm
Please follow on Twitter: https://twitter.com/knotts
Please use #KnottsNYE on any social posts if you share the contest.  

Please follow on Instagram: http://instagram.com/knotts

Comment below that you have completed all steps

Good Luck and Happy New Year!!!

• 

I am Different but not Less

 

Different Not Less………..  Those words have haunted me since I saw the movie “Temple Grandin” on HBO a few years ago.  It came out a few months after our autism diagnosis with our first son.

I try to put those into action all the time and sometimes it is a real chore to focus on all the obstacles the kids have overcome, and how much they CAN do.  I sometimes focus on the deficits and the delays that are so evident when we are our in public or with kids we used to play with who have developed and matured out of our world.  But since this special needs motherhood comes with no map on how to control your thoughts and feelings about the neurological torture our kids go through with autism,  I do the best I can and get a little bit better and am more positive and more hopeful for my kids everyday, even on the days when I shed tears.

 

My kids are on a peak with therapy and moving forward with therapy and we are so very busy with appointments and stuff, I’m overwhelmed and happy.  I’m on a new path of trying to expose the kids to everything I can to help with their behavior, and tolerance of new things, so we can live a life outside of the walls of our property if we choose too. 

Sometimes our events that I try to take them to are a hit, sometimes not so much.  So even my motherhood is DIFFERENT than most, but it by NO MEANS LESS THAN ANY OTHER MOTHERHOOD.  Sometimes the special needs moms get the shaft by society in more ways that I can count.  I can’t be that mom I always thought I’d be, I can’t be that blogger that gets to go to all the cool crap, I can’t be the mom hosting the bad ass pool parties and play dates, I can’t be the mom whose kids are winning contests and trophies and going to sports tournaments all over the state.  I just can’t those aren’t my kids.  I am the mom that has two kids with autism; I’m the mom whose kids are more comfortable at home.  I am the mom who needs to be with her kids because sometimes I am the ONLY ONE that understands how to care for them. I am the mom who has therapy at her home everyday.  I am the mom who has children and a husband who are VERY high maintenance.  I am the mom who gets elated and excited and over the moon happy when I get a smile and hug from her child.  I am the mom who does a happy dance when we have no potty accidents.  I am the mom that when my 4 year old asks to go to Disneyland at 6am – TAKES HIM instead of going to school.  I am the mom that struggles with so many things.  I am the mom who puts on the brave face when I feel like I may crumble.  I am the mom who is jealous of those of you who get to go out and have fun on a whim with your kids.  I am the mom who envies those of you bloggers that can leave your kids and go to fun events. I am the mom who will never stop looking for answers and will do anything and go to the end of the earth to help her kids.  I am the mom who loves her life and embraces everything in it – good bad and ugly.  My motherhood is different than most, but it certainly is not less.

It has taken me a lot of soul searching, mourning, to get to this place, but I think I’m finally there, and my kids realize it.  I love my life, our friends, our families,  the kids are building relationships and I’m thrilled.  Things are different, they are getting much better.

Rebecca

We Are Better Together

Anyone that has known me for more than an hour - knows that doing the laundry is my LEAST favorite chore.  I'd rather clean a toilet.  Laundry with little children is a never ending thankless job and I get no enjoyment in doing it, until now.  Seriously, I recently bought Tide, Downey and Bounce, and started using them in our wash.  

With the weather warming up and my boys playing more outside, and I'm training for another marathon our laundry room is a stink fest some days.  And it's always full of clothes, towels and it's just overwhelming.

 I stink at sorting laundry and I do throw the kids clothes, my clothes and workout clothes all together.  Our summer attire is bathing suits, flowery dresses, jeans blue and white.   Last night I washed all the boys bathing suits and a couple dresses of mine and my denim skirt.  After I was done with this load of laundry, and picked my chin up off of the floor from how amazing the clothes looked, felt and smelled.  I think I'm hooked.  Using these products together was awesome.  My four year old said he smelled yummy. 

So my conclusion is that all of these wonderful products are BETTER TOGETHER because they made me almost get joy out of doing our stinky dirty summer laundry.  You need to try!!

The post is part of a DailyBuzz Moms Tastemaker program with P&G.   All thoughts are my own

Life Lessons of The Week

Oh and has it been a week.

• There are people out there looking to harm
• There are people out there that really live like the guests on Maury Povich (I really thought that stuff was made up)
• Don't invite crazy into your world
• Some people can't live without creating chaos in all the lives around them
• Trying to do the right thing and keeping calm when dealing with psychos is an exercise in futility
• Karma will get you (I pray)
• The school officials that manage my childs case are mediocre at best, and his teacher is amazing
• If you want something done right do it yourself, or scream until they do it your way.
• If I didn't exercise I think I would have cried all week, taking it out on the gym was awesome
• I just took all the power away from a nut job and I love that
• Losing 8lbs in a month is about a cure all for feeling crappy

This has been a week that has tried every single ounce of my  patience and love of humanity.  A crazy evil psycho woman was brought into our lives, and is trying to ruin our rental home.  I have never encountered such evil.  I thought I had met the most vile person on earth over a year ago, but shockingly there is someone that kicked it up a notch and proved that there are people with complete dark souls, and evil all the way down to their core.

This is a problem that we will overcome, but I am so disappointed in people right now.  I just am so bewildered and shocked as to how someone with children could spend so much time trying to hurt someone.  If this crack pot spent as much time working as she did scheming on ways to get out of paying the rent or faking injury to sue us - she would probably be very successful.   I feel sorry for her, and her children, and am sorry that she gets to procreate and raise monsters like she is.

On a happy note,  my kids autism treatment is in an up hill swing Jack is making amazing strides, and Franklin is coming a long, and mommy found a new voice and is learning her way around the school district and how to get her kids what helps them.  It's going to be a good summer and I am so looking forward to 1st grade!