The Unexpected Gift

4 years ago this weekend, I took a class.  I got my Motorcycle endorsement to legally ride a motorcycle.  I had been a passenger on my husbands Harley Davidson for a little over a year, and wanted to spread my wings so to speak and try something new and get my own bike.

I passed the class, passed the test, and my life was forever changed, without expecting it.  I really did this, got on the back of the bike and learned to ride for my husband, it was something he loved, and we needed to shake things up a bit.  Our life was a rut,  a serious rut, parents of little kids with special needs your life is an appointment book of therapies and eggshell walking.  So while I was aware and respectfully fearful of the risks of motorcycle riding, I took the challenge, and got a gift.

I am fairly certain that Harley Davidson was largely responsible for repairing some serious cracks in our marriage.  80% of special needs parents/marriages end in divorce, for a variety of reasons.  We were on a very slippery slope when I first got on the back of his bike 5 years ago.  But I got on the back, and I had to touch him, trust him, listen and follow his instructions, something I fought for a long time, as a mom and a wife.  But it helped, it changed us, it strengthened us.

Being on my bike, was the absolute only thing I could do, that took my mind off of my kids special needs, and all of the thoughts that come with those needs.  When you're on a bike, you have to be laser focused on the road and all around you, there is no room in that tunnel for the "what if someone isn't nice to my child at school" thoughts.  It brought me a relief, a strength, it rebuilt my mind, it lifted me out of a sea of motherhood sludge, it brought me respite and relief that no anti-depressant or therapist could.  Now when I say that, don't think I don't love being a mom, because it was what I was born to do, I love it.  I'm good at it as long as I don't have to make Pinterest projects.

This gift of a motorcycle that I got turned into a lifestyle and a life.  The bike gave me more of a gift than I ever thought fathomable.  The Orange Coast Harley Owners Group has brought some great relationships, we have seen roads and sights that you never experience in a car.  I have ridden my bike over the Golden Gate Bridge, through a Giant Redwood, I have ridden and stopped in the Fabulous Five National Parks in Utah.  My adventures will continue on my Harley.

So as I reflect on this anniversary that significantly altered my life for the better, I want to thank Harley Davidson for the gift and the lifestyle and the fun and adventure and bringing me back to life.

The Day My Filter Died

I have had these thoughts wrapped in my head for weeks now, and kept them in because it's a reality that to be a blogger, you have to write about rainbows, puppies, and the perfect afternoon outing with your perfectly coiffed and dressed children, your perfectly designed home, and cooked meal and never ever show the mess in the kitchen ;)


Well you know what? that just isn't real.  I can't fake it anymore.  I love my kids and I love my life, and sometimes our "perfect" outing or vacation is hijacked by autism or some other co-morbid diagnosis that goes along with it.  My kids are rarely tolerated by public places,  my genius kindergartner was kicked out of Kumon because he was reading and scripting the instructions to the teacher repeatedly, and she would not tolerate a non-stepford child.  Even though he could have worked circles around the "neuro-typical" kids in there, the quirks of autism were more than was going to be accepted in Kumon, so we left, and I accepted that woman telling me "he needs therapy before he can come here", "we can't be expected to tolerate his behavior".  Well honey, thanks for telling me something I don't know - no I didn't say that to her, I just took the bullet she shot at me and let it stew for awhile.  Well no more of that.  My kids are amazing, and sometimes  HERE IS WHAT I AM NEVER SUPPOSED TO SAY OUT LOUD.  Sometimes the Neuro Typical kids in the world are a little over-rated, spoiled and nightmarish, but yeah, my kid reading the instructions over and over and needing 10 minutes to adjust to a new environment, yeah, that's the real problem. 

You know what else I'm going to be real about, my fitness journey.  Yes, I lost 80 lbs, yes, I gained 30 back, yes I'm trying to get them back off.   It's hard, it's frigging really really hard, but being fat is miserable, so I push through the hard, and sometimes I fail, and sometimes I stay in bed and not workout, and sometimes I run really really slow.  I disappoint myself, and I shock myself too, with what I'm able to do.  I eat ice cream in the middle of the night out of the container in the garage.  So there, it's out there, it's real, stand up if this is you too.  I will still be running 2 half marathons barely trained for next month, praying I don't die or injure myself too much.

As an autism mom I always feel like I fall horribly short.  I am inconsistent sometimes, I give up too soon on a therapy or a treatment, my follow through sometimes falls short because I frankly am exhausted, physically mentally,  and spiritually.  I do the best I can, and sometimes I feel like in all areas my life that others do it better.  So sometimes I hit it out of the park, and sometimes I strike out, I just need to find the balance.

As a school parent, I fall short, because I'm the "special ed" mom, and the school barely notices our kids.  But I'll tell you where I won't fail your kids, is voicing the truth where their safety and well being our concerned.  While PTA meetings sit mostly empty and most moms expect those moms to do it, you're missing out on having a voice for your kids education. While many were busy making a perfectly orchestrated family photo at Corona Del Mar, the government snuck in something called Common Core, that is untested, unproven, and lower standards than we've ever had.  If you're busy trying to show the world your perfection.  Common Core is invading your perfect kid and going to make him or her a drone that is not university ready.  And while I appreciate the perfect image all over Instagram, show up at a board of education meeting or school board or PTA meeting occasionally so you can see what the intentions are for your kid, and speak up if you don't agree, this Common Core is basically going to ruin a generation.  For a special ed mom that's horrible and something I can't stand for.  My kids can do everything, they are different, they are not less, they aren't the same as a typical child, and need accommodations for that and Common Core is going to take it away, well I have a voice, I am their voice and I will scream this until you all pay attention.

So I apologize if the new "real" isn't the lifestyle of OC you want to see.  I'm just not that perfect picture, I have flaws, and I work them out.  You probably won't see my family on the PR promotions of families at amusement parks, or restaurants, or cool family shows.  We are a real family, and not the picture of perfection that sells the tickets to the places people go.  But if you want to show how to navigate OC with special needs, and quirks and how to manage them with a kid or kids with special needs, I'm your girl. 

It's here - I'm not ready but I'm willing

The race I was supposed to be training for for the last 8 weeks, is now arrived.  And it's not that I haven't trained, but I haven't trained properly.  You see, my life gets in my way of this athlete that I dream of being. I'm working out, eating good, and I actually have run okay, just have skipped all my LONG runs.  .  I'm sort of nursing, what I hope is not a bad injury.  I am hoping KT TAPE is going to be my savior.

The OC Half Marathon is my first half marathon, this will be the 3rd time I've run it, and I plan on running all 3 Beach Cities half marathon in the next 12 months, because I'm becoming a bling whore, and want the special medal.   The OC Half Marathon is the most gorgeous course you can imagine,  You spend the first 9 mile looking at the ocean/bay or ridiculously beautiful Newport Beach real estate.

So I will run it, walk it, or crawl my way across the finish line.  As life got in my way, and I lost my focus for awhile, I'm a runner, I'm a slow runner, but I like it.  I love what running has done for me.  Running brought me back to life, it kept me out of the dark place after cancer, and it was my big coping mechanism for autism.  I NEED to run.  I'm a better me when I run and train and am doing something solely for me.

So hopefully, I'll see you on the course, or you'll pass me.  But wait for me at the finish line because even though I'm slow, I'm still running, and I will finish.  I was so inspired watching the Boston Marathon this week, I feel invigorated, ready and looking forward to my next race, and training appropriately and making running and me a priority, and having fun doing it.  Because lets face it, I have to take care of myself, or I will not be around to care for those that really need me.

Happy Trails!


Rebecca