I have had these thoughts wrapped in my head for weeks now, and kept them in because it's a reality that to be a blogger, you have to write about rainbows, puppies, and the perfect afternoon outing with your perfectly coiffed and dressed children, your perfectly designed home, and cooked meal and never ever show the mess in the kitchen ;)
Well you know what? that just isn't real. I can't fake it anymore. I love my kids and I love my life, and sometimes our "perfect" outing or vacation is hijacked by autism or some other co-morbid diagnosis that goes along with it. My kids are rarely tolerated by public places, my genius kindergartner was kicked out of Kumon because he was reading and scripting the instructions to the teacher repeatedly, and she would not tolerate a non-stepford child. Even though he could have worked circles around the "neuro-typical" kids in there, the quirks of autism were more than was going to be accepted in Kumon, so we left, and I accepted that woman telling me "he needs therapy before he can come here", "we can't be expected to tolerate his behavior". Well honey, thanks for telling me something I don't know - no I didn't say that to her, I just took the bullet she shot at me and let it stew for awhile. Well no more of that. My kids are amazing, and sometimes HERE IS WHAT I AM NEVER SUPPOSED TO SAY OUT LOUD. Sometimes the Neuro Typical kids in the world are a little over-rated, spoiled and nightmarish, but yeah, my kid reading the instructions over and over and needing 10 minutes to adjust to a new environment, yeah, that's the real problem.
You know what else I'm going to be real about, my fitness journey. Yes, I lost 80 lbs, yes, I gained 30 back, yes I'm trying to get them back off. It's hard, it's frigging really really hard, but being fat is miserable, so I push through the hard, and sometimes I fail, and sometimes I stay in bed and not workout, and sometimes I run really really slow. I disappoint myself, and I shock myself too, with what I'm able to do. I eat ice cream in the middle of the night out of the container in the garage. So there, it's out there, it's real, stand up if this is you too. I will still be running 2 half marathons barely trained for next month, praying I don't die or injure myself too much.
As an autism mom I always feel like I fall horribly short. I am inconsistent sometimes, I give up too soon on a therapy or a treatment, my follow through sometimes falls short because I frankly am exhausted, physically mentally, and spiritually. I do the best I can, and sometimes I feel like in all areas my life that others do it better. So sometimes I hit it out of the park, and sometimes I strike out, I just need to find the balance.
So I apologize if the new "real" isn't the lifestyle of OC you want to see. I'm just not that perfect picture, I have flaws, and I work them out. You probably won't see my family on the PR promotions of families at amusement parks, or restaurants, or cool family shows. We are a real family, and not the picture of perfection that sells the tickets to the places people go. But if you want to show how to navigate OC with special needs, and quirks and how to manage them with a kid or kids with special needs, I'm your girl.