Breakdown to Breakthrough

I went to my last Barry's Bootcamp workout of the week on Friday.  Friday is the Full Body Workout, and it's friggin' exhausting.  But an amazing workout.  Scott Perry did a great class, and I still have a hard time keeping up, and that crazy head of mine telling me I'm the fat old lady in class no wonder I can't keep up.  I really need to beat that voice in my head, I hate it.

After driving home from the workout out I was speeding along the freeway crying.  I feel sometimes like I just SUCK at working out.  I get panicked when I'm running too fast and can't catch my breath and I stop.  I don't like to work that hard, I guess.

I was pondering why I get so wigged out when running or working out and right before I kick it into a super high gear I start to panic and just stop.  What is that?  Who does that?

I was thinking I just like running and trotting along not breathing super hard, not pushing super hard, able to finish with a smile on my face, not wincing in pain and sweat.  It really is bullshit.

Every time I finish a workout I'm excited, and happy that I finished, and these boot camps have really shown me what I can and can not do, and the areas I need to work harder.   It's the working HARDER that pisses me off.  I like working out, I don't love it, I do it because its good for me and it will help me stay healthy so I'm here to take care of my kids.  I started working out a year ago exactly, and have lost 85 lbs, and this time last year I couldn't run five feet, and now I can run five miles regularly.

I want the working out to be fun, the rest of my life is hard, my marriage is hard, autism is hard and sucky, and my body after cancer is hard to get over, the economy is hard, being a mom is hard.  For the love of Pete, when is shit going to start being fun and or easy?

So I have no other choice but to make all this hard work and races, and boot camps and mileage fun because the rest of my life doesn't look like it's going to change, and I'm not saying that the rest of my life is bad in any way shape or form, my life is good, but there are so many things that are hard about it, I am looking for something that is easy and fun.

This is why I am doing it, I need to be here for these smiles

So a breakthrough from boot camp.  So I will make it fun from now on, these workouts are mine, they don't belong to anyone else, they are mine, the more I do the harder I work the stronger I get, in my body, in my mind and in my spirit.

Rebecca

Barry's Bootcamp - Week 2

The nightmare bronchitis seems to be fading away, and I sort of have my wind back.  I am in the 2nd week of the challenge at Barry's Bootcamp.  So far I'm 3lbs down, and my endurance in the class is getting better.  I am sometimes not thrilled with my performance, but being that I am a work in progress, I am seeking to just get better than I am not be the best!  I am running and using Barry's Bootcamp as my Cross Training for the half marathon!

I liked our instructor Kathryn today,  you have got to love an instructor that says "It's going to hurt, It's going to suck, and you're gonna hate me."  I love when they tell the truth!  But she was good the workout was very difficult but not to the point where I felt like a 90 year old in a room of 20 year olds.

I am enjoying this challenge, it is preparing me for the Irvine Lake Spring Break Mud Run at the end of this month and I'm 60 days away from the OC Half Marathon.  I don't know how I'm going to be ready, but I will be ready, come hell or high water!

Thank you Barry for giving me a boost of confidence to kick myself up a notch.

Rebecca

The 1st 5K that made the happiest Mother's Day

Well it came and went.  I ran my first 5K on 5.7.11 the day before Mother's Day.  32,000 participants in the Revlon Run/Walk for Women's Cancer.

Last year on Mother's Day I still had drains hanging out of me from my mastectomy and hysterectomy.  And as I entered this race I was 14 months free from Cancer.  I was overwhelmed by the massive amounts of cancer survivors at the race and the amount of women that were there being pushed in wheelchairs that were currently battling the beast of cancer.  It was overwhelmingly emotional.  I realized that I was one of them, I was a fighter and I was able to beat the beast.

I ran with a friend of mine "J",  she is a cancer survivor and has been free from cancer for 5 years.  She had this crazy scary BOOGA BOOGA virus cancer, it was scary and her treatments and surgeries were long and aggressive and painful more than anyone should have to endure, and she kicked cancers ass.  She has always been a great athlete and began running after her battle with cancer and is doing marathons, 1/2 marathons, and she basically has been my inspiration to run.  So "J" thank you for inviting me to this amazing inspirational event that I will never forget, or never miss.

So here we go and on with the race, as we were herded like cattle to the starting line and crammed together while waiting the celebrities, and Revlon execs talk and inspire the crowd.  Well along came a group of children who's teacher had just lost her battle with breast cancer and they sang "Amazing Grace", which on my best day makes me well up with tears, well today it turned the flood gates on.

So the start of the race is a bit slow because everyone is running under the stage being waved at by the ridiculously beautiful Halle Berry.  Once we were able to get going I was good we set about a 14 minute mile pace, but I swear from my crying I couldn't get my wind (that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it).  I had to stop to walk 3 times but just for a minute and then I was good.   As we ran the streets of LA through walkers and joggers and babies in strollers and people with pink outfits we were then coming down the tunnel of the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum onto the field and crossing the finish line was amazing.

For those 43 minutes all the chatter that normally goes on in my head about how I won't do it or can't do it was gone because I was just knowing I could do it,  I knew I would finish, crappy time but I finished.  I got the first race under my belt.  I felt fit, I felt (not thin) but not like the fat girl,  I felt good, I felt happy, I felt relieved.

I felt that I was given the best Mother's Day gift ever.  I got my life, my husband, my kids, my family and all my friends. What more could anyone ever want???  I got to fight and live.   Those 'effing Real Housewives really distort life for the Real Moms out there.

I am planning on my next race and hopefully it will be something a little less chaotic and more like a fun run, where it is not so emotionally moving that I have tears streaming down my face 1/2 of the race.

So on I go, to the next race a few more 5K's and working my way up to  the 1/2 marathon in January.  So you all of you mom's that inspire me, and all my fitness friends online, and my family and friends.  I am a runner.  I'm not winning any races but I am crossing the finish line, and in my book that is a win.

Rebecca