Friday, June 1, 2018

The Mighty Five - Day 1

We did it.  We took a 5 day trip without our kids.  We rode our Harley's from Orange County CA, to Utah through The Mighty 5 National Parks.  1886 miles in 5 days.  An incredible experience to say the least.  I hope you enjoy reading our experience as much as we enjoyed living it.  I expected it to be beautiful in Utah, and I'll just say this, it so surpassed my expections.

Day 1

We left our home in Mission Viejo at 6AM, and the worst part of long trips are usually the first day and the last day, because it is just straight highway driving trying to get to the destination.  So basically the 15 fwy is just straight and very fast especially once you get to Nevada.  But we can't go up the 15 fwy to Vegas without stopping at the Mad Greek in Baker.  it's been a 30 year tradition of stopping and getting a fantastic Gyro.

Today we weren't just going to Vegas, we had about another 5 hours to go until La Verken, UT the gateway of Zion National Park.  After a quick drop our bags at the hotel, we hopped back on the bikes and took the 20 mile trek up to the gates of Zion.

The Gates of Zion take you through Springdale, which has adorable shops, good restaurants and positive vibes.  Plenty of small business to support while coming in and out of Zion that will meet all of your needs.

You can't drive through Zion and make stops like other national parks, but the Tram system will take you to all points of interest and hikes and walks that you could desire.  We were able to conquer the Weeping Wall and The Narrows.   We got to the park at 4 and it closed at 10, we were able to do about 5 miles of hikes and all 9 stops on the tram system.  It really was a beautiful park, with may different terrains and plant life.  There were hikes for all abilities, many were wheelchair accessible, and some were not.  So plan accordingly.  Wear comfortable shoes and bring a bottle for water, there are refill stations available.

We at at Porters Smokehouse and Grill on Zion Blvd.  I'm writing this after our trip, it was one of the best restaurants we ate at.  My husband had the bbq Sampler that had meat for days, the food was delish to say the least, the service was impeccable and relaxed, and the views were great. 

After a 20 mile ride back to our hotel
WITHOUT A HELMET - there are no helmet laws in Utah, so I tried it out with no helmet.  While liberating, it was loud, so I'll stick to my helmet. 

Can't wait to tell you all about Day 2.

Thursday, May 10, 2018

Happy Warrior Day

Mothers Day, it's here, and I waited my whole life to be a mom for the perks of a holiday in my honor...  but after a decade of motherhood, and autism, and special needs, there are moms though that I want to thank and honor, and as I sit here and write this I am choked up because there are women that I have battled this labyrinth of special needs and made and build the path that has helped me be the mom I am today.  There are not enough ways to express my gratitude. 

The moms I am specifically referring to are my fellow Autism and Special Needs Moms. My TACA Tribe. You're so much more than just moms, you are fierce warriors who wear many hats.  I mean being a mom is hard enough, and rewarding (sometimes), and infuriating (sometimes), and for the most part we all as moms do a great job.

But the warrior moms, especially you pioneers that have walked, and trudged in front of me. 
Just thank you.

Thank you for showing me it is possible to get through the worst day of your life, diagnosis day.  Thank you for showing me how to put my big girl pants on and "handle it".
Thank you for being there when I need to cry.
Thank you for making me not feel like I am a lunatic.
Thank you for showing me how to communicate with my kids.
Thank you for showing me how to advocate for my kids.
Thank you for giving me hope.
Thank you for giving me a way to walk.
Thank you for showing me you're not perfect.
Thank you for losing your shit sometimes.
Thank you for making autism manageable.
Thank you for showing me that I don't have to let "them" put my kid in the "limited" box.
Thank you for showing me that there are endless possibilities.
Thank you for showing me the importance of consistency.
Thank you for reminding me setbacks aren't permanent
Thank you for accepting the flawed human I am, and helping me anyway
Thank you for putting me back together when I fall apart.
Thank you for calling me out when I was whining too much.
Thank you for being my instruction manual on this journey.

Despite all the challenges you women go through everyday, you are my rock, my teachers, my friends, my therapists, and every single day I'm grateful that I was put on your path.

I have learned that I had to become a teacher, speech pathologist, occupational therapist,  maid, lawyer, driver, nurse, cook, and trailblazer for helping my kids learn and thrive.

You have taught me to believe that HOPE is always possible, setback don't define my kids, my kids are human and deserve to be treated as such - and it's my job to make sure that the "professionals" do.  You have taught me coffee is life, and sleep is a luxury I will enjoy someday.

When I started this journey, I thought the "professionals" were on our side to help our kids.  I soon found out there is one box that they want to put all of autism in and either ignore it, or blame parents or autism for ANYTHING that may happen to them injury, sickness or behavior wise.  What I soon realized was the only side, or tribe I had were families like ours on a journey with no real map or directions but you were building roads, bridges and byways for the families to come behind you.  There isn't a way to measure this much gratitude.

I can't express enough that you women, moms, chicks like me, wanting the best for our children when most of our families, friends, and loved ones had written our kids off.  You people you moms, made me a mom, a warrior, a lawyer, doctor, teacher, therapist, advocate, insurance adjuster, and made our autism not a scary place, but a place of hope, when we were hopeless.  The lesson and phrase of "families helping families" that is on every shirt I own from "TALK ABOUT CURING AUTISM" @tacanow is the thing in my special needs parenting that is constant.  I can call on anyone of the moms I know from TACA and know I'm going to get off that phone with solution, or at least a direction to solution.  When I call most doctors or professionals I usually get off those calls in a heap of tears.

So to the warriors, thank you, for making me a warrior, thank you for helping me become this mom with all the moving parts that autism requires.  Happy Mothers Day, no not Mothers Day.  HAPPY WARRIOR DAY, you are warriors and I'm proud to be in your tribe.  I honor you and I love you all.

Wednesday, May 9, 2018

Cachi Coffee

I have a 40 mile one way commute to take one of my kids to school, and sometimes because of the heinous Southern California traffic I stick around his school area for awhile, so as to save myself from having a stroke in traffic.

There is a lovely little coffee shop I have found and hang out in La Palma  Cachi Coffee  it makes great coffee, has reasonably priced breakfast and lunch menu, and the food is great and healthy. 

I had chorizo and eggs this morning with a cup of coffee and a side of egg to stay "Keto", and it was $7.00.  Totally doable.  There Wifi is free and fast, the music is awesome, the staff is friendly and helpful.  Lunch Specials are $5.95, and it gets busy at lunch it's a pretty industrial area. 

Every meal or drink I have had here has not disappointed, and it is a place I frequent regularly. 

The location is at 10 Centerpointe Dr., La Palma. 

If you're looking for a place in North County to hang your hat for awhile, meet a girlfriend, just do some self care.  This is the place that gives the stale old chain coffee establishments a kick in the teeth.  This is what a coffee shop should and will always be to me.  Great coffee, good food, and amazing music, with a comfortable atmosphere.  Thanks Cachi! 


Monday, March 12, 2018

The Self-Care has to be Real

Okay, so I did it. I got on the scale.  The scale for my whole life has been my nemesis. And it is a jackass.  Just sayin'.  But so am I.  

I am kicking my own ass for a little bit here.  Because this is just stupid.  I'm a special needs mom, and I don't have the luxury of being and choosing unhealthy for myself.  I just don't.  I am WIDE AWAKE and AWARE that there is no one in our life, NO ONE, that will take my kids on if I am no longer here to care for them.  So the fact that I choose to have ice cream at night, and not exercise for the last month, and FEEL SORRY FOR MYSELF, and SAD for my kids.  Is no longer acceptable.  I have to make the new NORMAL, healthy, happy, strong, CONSISTENT, and get off the pitty potty of tiny aches and pains, and I'm tired, and I'm annoyed, and I deserve that 4500 calorie meal.....  NO I DON'T.  I deserve a life of health (I survived cancer for crying out loud), I am 50 years old now, and I'm not getting any younger.

So today, I'm making myself accountable. This health and happiness thing is attainable.  This strong boy is under neath all this chubby, and this pitty potty is getting remodeled and we are going to have a super standard of attainable room.  It's not about how I look, or that stupid number on the scale (it kinda is) But this is DOABLE. I can, you can.



 

I'm a fat girl, I know what to do, I know what to eat, I know how to eat, and when to eat, and I don't need to (or have the money to pay for stuff that I already know).  I mean for real, don't all fat people know EXACTLY what to do.  Now I just have to change my mind and my choices.

I have lost 70lbs before, I have RUN 10 Half Marathons, I have beat cancer, and I take on the beast of Autism every single day. Exercising for 30 minutes and eating right ARE THE EASY part.  Staying on the track in this labyrinth of special need momming is the hard part.  I plan on slipping and falling, and I plan on having a hard time, and I plan on probably bitching a lot, but I PLAN ON SUCCEEDING.  I mean really - if I put it this way.  What more important that bowl of ice cream, or me making sure I'm here when Franklin is an adult?  What is more important lying on the couch and watching some SERIOUSLY stupid TV, or walking around the block and making sure my heart is healthy for the adult autism life?

2 days ago I walked up 2 flights of stairs and was so winded I almost cried.  That is effing ridiculous.  Like I said I have run 10 half marathons.  What in the hell?  I let a huge setback in my sons life take over my life, I consumed crap to cover up the hurt feelings, and fear.  

While my story isn't as fun or exciting as the mommy bloggers that got free tummy tucks, and lost 40lbs in a day. My story will be full of laughs, tears and probably curse words.  But it will be full of health, change, and success - because my kids are counting on my
So I can be a special needs mom that gives into the stress and can't guarantee that I'm around for my kids later, or I can be a special needs mom that makes our life happy, healthy and strong.  Because when I am happy, healthy and strong, so is my family.

If you're a special needs mom.  Self care is important, really effing important.  Self care is also family care.  I took SUPER BITCH to a whole new level this week after not exercising for 3 weeks, it's my release, it take the steam and frustration and sadness out of me.   

I know there are a lot of special needs moms that find excuses (because it's easy too, I GET THAT), but man I can't look at not taking care of myself anymore, when I realized there really is no one to care for my kids when I die.   My health, strength and happiness is THEIR health, strength and happiness.

So the journey start - Follow along on Instagram @realmomofoc.

Healthy Trails to you!


Wednesday, January 3, 2018

The New Year - Same Me - but 50.


HAPPY NEW YEAR!


Lots of lessons learned in 2017, lots of tears shed, tons of laughter, many memories made.  Just like every single year of my last 50.

So this year this mom turns 50.  It's going to be at times AMAZEBALLS, it's going to be at times sad, it's going to be at times fun, it's going to be at times filled with questions, it's going to be at times filled with badassery, it's going to be at times filled with amazement.  I always want it to be filled with love, laughs and experiences that are unforgettable.

There are so many things about my life, family and mind that make me so different from the typical mommy blogger, and I finally understand that all of that is okay.  You can go read the same 15 blogs that say all the same stuff from all the same places.  All of those blogs are great, and are great advertisements for the local area.  I am able to do a lot of their recommendations, but they aren't really autism friendly places for the most part, so I have to consider what my kids can and can't do and what places truly welcome them, and all of that is okay.

I will have a post at least 2 times a month of autism friendly places that are safe and welcoming to our kiddos.

I will have a posts this year for what us caretaker moms need to CARE FOR OURSELVES.   We matter too.  It is important to care for the caretaker.  That's been a big lesson I've learned the last two years.  Of course my husband and kids are the most important and I give them almost all I have all the time, but there are times, days, minutes I need to take a step back, take a deep breath, and answer the screams of my body and mind.  Because there is no one that will care for the caretakers.  I had a surgery last week and seriously it was a shit show.  While most moms can at least get their children to bring them an apple out of the bowl or a bottle of water - with autism - that is a hit or miss.  I had no one here during the day.  There were 2 days of incredible pain, but it ended up being okay.  My house just looked like I lost a serious game of Jumanji.

I will have posts of keeping my body fit and healthy.  This will be my 8th year cancer free, and I'm ready to kick things up a notch.  Don't go crazy, I'm not going to go vegan or anything but I'm going to go less toxins, less processed, less junk, more whole, more outside, more care, more steps, and more healthy.  If I can't care for this body, I won't be able to care for the kids later.  I have really taken a loving to essential oils, I will share me experience strength and hope for what benefits they are bringing my boys and family.

We were fortunate enough to take some amazing trips on our Harley's this year, and I want to share that for moms.  It empowered me, it focused me, it helped my mind and my soul heal some deep wounds.  I read a sign somewhere "4 Wheels move the body, 2 wheels move the soul".  And I swear nothing couldn't be more true.  I think it was the only thing that kept me from punching people in the head this last year.

So while it will be a new different blog this year, it will be an experience, and I hope you're on board for the ride we're gonna take with it.


REBECCA








Wednesday, December 6, 2017

A Tale of Two Autisms

The new CDC autism diagnosis number that came out is 1:36 kids is diagnosed with Autism.  I have Two with Autism. Two boys, two autism diagnosis, many many needs, very different needs and very significant.  It's enough to make a person go crazy, cry, laugh, and go through a myriad of emotions that could get you diagnosed as koo koo for coco puffs.  No lie.

First thing.  I can't stand the high functioning, low functioning term.  "Oh is he high functioning like Ben Affleck on The Accountant"?  - No, he's no a psycho killer - no - that is not the autism we have. Seriously!

My younger son was diagnosed with Autism at 2.  He had delayed speech, and Atypical autistic  behaviors which met a criteria consistent autism.  He was put into early intervention therapy ABA, speech and OT and it helped move him a long, not long he started using words, then sentences, and playing appropriately with toys.  Not with kids, but he could be hell on the Hot Wheels Track, he enjoyed that a lot.

It was pretty easy to find things that motivated J to work for in ABA, to find things that he was interested in, to shape behaviors, language, and social interactions.  While I don't think ABA works for everyone, it did and continues to do it's job moving J along where is is able to function in the community and have significant and meaningful peer and family interactions.  Over years, and many many hours of therapies, success, failures, blood, sweat, tears, calls from school to pick up, horrid behavior, obsessive behaviors and all around autism. We have made strides, big, strong, and forward.

We have made mistakes, we have sacrificed, tried, stopped, retried, and had setbacks, and overall we always make some kind of progress, not perfection, but progress nonetheless. We are at that point here, where I am making the big leap of faith and putting him in activities with neuro typical peers.  Something I should have done years ago but he really wasn't ready.  He has his social issues, but we basically threw him in the deep end of the pool, and I released the reigns a little, and it's amazing.  The elation that comes to parents of children with autism when our kids are able to do things that their typical peers take for granted.  I'm living that euphoria of proud parent, amazed at that kid and how hard he has worked to get this far. 

I am also living in the part of how hard it is for me to watch him struggle, see the deficits he has when around his peers.  But there is so much hope and I see a place in the world for him, and that makes me happy.  I just need the world to see his place in it and that is my fear, the world isn't the most comfortable place for a kid like him.  I know that there are bullies, I know that there are teachers that will not understand what he needs to learn, I know that a lot of people won't understand the stereotypical behavior he exhibits when trying to get used to a new place.  But as the number has just grown from 1:36 children now have autism, I pray our world gets it's shit together and understands this.  This is an epidemic, I wish it was considered as such.

My older son F, has the kind of autism, that no one talks about, that no one wants to see, that most pretend isn't there.  He was diagnosed at 20 months.  He is almost 11, non verbal, and his circle of people that love and respect him and understand his is small but awesome.  We had a lot of misguided horrible teaching professionals that were allowed to marginalize him as a human, decide he wasn't worthy of working on academics, put him in a room instead of giving him services he was entitled to like speech and occupational therapy, because one woman determined he was "unteachable", and they couldn't work with a child like that.  Rather than figure out a way that would work for him to learn, they determined after 2-3 sessions he wasn't worthy of their time. 

After as severe injury occurred at school he was deemed "collateral damage" in an unfortunate incident.  His injury has been marginalized, "he was severe before the accident, he's still severe, mom needs to move on"  Not even referring to him as a human, because he doesn't have a voice.  It's a hard place to be as a parent knowing that these are opinions

Fighting to have him treated human has been the turning point in my life.  Medical professionals, school administrators, and many people in the community don't understand severe autism and don't want to.  Many Medical professionals won't look past the autism to see what is medically wrong, when their clearly is something wrong.  Constant crying, tantrums and the wailing of pain, isn't just autism, and that is in many cases what we are expected to accept as diagnosis.  The doctors that will look at the severely autistic as a whole patient are rarely covered by insurance and it prohibits many families from seeking that help, and there are no guarantees that their treatments will work. So it's a tough place to be in  as a family.

There are a lot of family events, parties, graduations, weddings, that are very uncomfortable for him to attend, sometimes we can go, sometimes we can't.  Most of our family now doesn't even notice if he shows or not. But it's clear that when he's there it is stressful for others that he is around, so we are now forced to separate and divide as a family, or leave him home with a sitter.  It's sad.  He knows he's being left, he would like to be with us but those events are too much for him in many cases.  We have had some success with him, but you never know until he gets there.

So as a parent of two with autism, there are such highs and lows that come with this parenting, some in the same 5 minutes.  One kid is striving and moving forward in his therapies as he should, the other can't remember where the bathroom is in the house.  We are forced to divide and conquer, we love our kids equally, and both have needs that while very different are very significant, no matter what their abilities are or aren't.  As the latest CDC numbers reflect the numbers of kids diagnosed with Autism as 1:36, it's frightening, its taxing, it's going to crush the systems.  So while my 2 autism's are something.  1:36, is an epidemic, and everyone needs to care and demand that answers happen for this generation. 

Thursday, September 28, 2017

Sunday Vibes at the Gospel Brunch

I believe I have already raved about what an amazing venue for live music and restaurant the the House of Blues in Anaheim are.  We are always looking for new things to try to shake up "date night".  So instead of a night, we tried the World Famous Gospel Brunch on Sunday Morning.  It has been a thing I've wanted to do since I was a single girl in my 20's, and I can not wait to go again, now that I have experienced it.

 The World Famous Gospel Brunch is a great family friendly event to share with all ages.  Sunday is not a day of rest at House of Blues.  We enjoyed the music that moved our soul, and the delicious food that fed our hunger.  The music got the audience out of it's chairs and dancing and singing and feeling fantastic.

The venue is great so you're not crowded but you are cozy with your neighbors and enjoying the company while enjoying your buffet brunch and waiting for the performance to begin.  The World Famous Gospel Brunch is the perfect place and event to take out of town guests, a girls "night" or morning out, celebrating a birthday or special occasion, or just a regular old date like my husband and I had.  There were lots of children in the audience having a great time.  It really is a family thing that all ages will enjoy.  I couldn't recommend it more, and DO NOT MISS THE BOURBON BREAD PUDDING. - TO DIE FOR.  So was the brisket, the biscuits and gravy, the waffles, the collard greens, everything was savory, hearty, delicious.

The House of Blues is located at the Garden Walk in Anaheim tickets are available online.