My Kid Did the Unthinkable....

Yesterday after a few errands and taking my 9 year old for a haircut, we stopped off to pick up a few things at the market.  Now he has autism,  I don't label kids as low functioning or high functioning, because there is no such term - it's something parents have made up to make themselves feel better and school districts use to enable their lack of services they will give your kids (but I digress). 

I manage with and adapt his "quirky" behavior as best as I can, and work on constantly, the kid rarely has a break from some kind of activity or therapy.  I expect certain things, statements, stims, behaviors and perseverance depending on our activity or location, and have the tools after years of observations and training on how to limit or redirect.  So I'm pretty much on guard and ready to ninja warrior autism at any second when we are out in public.

We did our shopping, our routine, or obsessions on certain items in the store, redirecting, moving forward and then as we are checking out, he asks the checker for some stickers "May I please have some stickers, please?"  - So I am cockily beaming at his politeness and manners.......then the little asshole (yes sometimes my kids are assholes, and it's okay) SPITS on the checker.  Yes, you read that right, he spat on her.   There was no rhyme, reason, or anything that a 25 year old behavior therapist could smugly lecture me on that would prepare me for this mortification.  I mean I'm an autism mom, I live with a pretty fair level of mortified everyday depending on how awful the "perfect OC mom" stares are on any given day.  But this level of mortification left me stunned, and amazed at my parenting skills that I didn't backhand him right in the store or in my car.  I just drove home crying.  That was all I could do.  I mean, I wasn't prepared for that, there is no parenting book or blog that tells you how to "embrace the spitting on store employees"...  there isn't.  I'm not the mom that just accepts "well it is autism, he isn't responsible for what he does".  Nope, my kid knows right from wrong, he does - I constantly drill him on what is the good choice vs. the bad choice. 

This is not the first time he has done this.  About 3 years ago, he used his birthday money to buy an extremely over priced Star Wars set.  As we checked out at Target, he spit on the cashier.  We apologized, and in my humiliated state I walked right over to the returns desk, and made him return the toy and give the money to me.  You would think that would have taught him, because he cried about the Star Wars crap and his money for about a month.

So today my walk of shame will be back to the store with my son to give her the note of apology from my child, and hopefully the manager will allow me the 2 minutes to take this learning experience for my son and for me as a parent.

Because autism isn't an excuse, if I want inclusion everywhere in school but don't expect appropriate behavior and use inappropriate behavior as teaching opportunities I'm not doing my job as a mom.

I will rally through this day of him crying that he doesn't have an Ipad or his "Cars", but he will learn, it may happen again in 3 years, but he will remember this consequence.  I don't have a trick but my work today will be to get him to understand WHAT he did, that it was WRONG, MEAN, and UNACCEPTABLE.   I'm doing my best at being real, there is not plastic surgery, medication, or ignorance that will hide autism, I just have to take it on a day at a time.  We are Autism Tough, and while Autism may have won this round, I intend on winning the fight.

The New Year - Same Me - but 50.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Lots of lessons learned in 2017, lots of tears shed, tons of laughter, many memories made.  Just like every single year of my last 50.

So this year this mom turns 50.  It's going to be at times AMAZEBALLS, it's going to be at times sad, it's going to be at times fun, it's going to be at times filled with questions, it's going to be at times filled with badassery, it's going to be at times filled with amazement.  I always want it to be filled with love, laughs and experiences that are unforgettable.

There are so many things about my life, family and mind that make me so different from the typical mommy blogger, and I finally understand that all of that is okay.  You can go read the same 15 blogs that say all the same stuff from all the same places.  All of those blogs are great, and are great advertisements for the local area.  I am able to do a lot of their recommendations, but they aren't really autism friendly places for the most part, so I have to consider what my kids can and can't do and what places truly welcome them, and all of that is okay.

I will have a post at least 2 times a month of autism friendly places that are safe and welcoming to our kiddos.

I will have a posts this year for what us caretaker moms need to CARE FOR OURSELVES.   We matter too.  It is important to care for the caretaker.  That's been a big lesson I've learned the last two years.  Of course my husband and kids are the most important and I give them almost all I have all the time, but there are times, days, minutes I need to take a step back, take a deep breath, and answer the screams of my body and mind.  Because there is no one that will care for the caretakers.  I had a surgery last week and seriously it was a shit show.  While most moms can at least get their children to bring them an apple out of the bowl or a bottle of water - with autism - that is a hit or miss.  I had no one here during the day.  There were 2 days of incredible pain, but it ended up being okay.  My house just looked like I lost a serious game of Jumanji.

I will have posts of keeping my body fit and healthy.  This will be my 8th year cancer free, and I'm ready to kick things up a notch.  Don't go crazy, I'm not going to go vegan or anything but I'm going to go less toxins, less processed, less junk, more whole, more outside, more care, more steps, and more healthy.  If I can't care for this body, I won't be able to care for the kids later.  I have really taken a loving to essential oils, I will share me experience strength and hope for what benefits they are bringing my boys and family.

We were fortunate enough to take some amazing trips on our Harley's this year, and I want to share that for moms.  It empowered me, it focused me, it helped my mind and my soul heal some deep wounds.  I read a sign somewhere "4 Wheels move the body, 2 wheels move the soul".  And I swear nothing couldn't be more true.  I think it was the only thing that kept me from punching people in the head this last year.

So while it will be a new different blog this year, it will be an experience, and I hope you're on board for the ride we're gonna take with it.


REBECCA

My boys and their HUGE year.

We have one more holiday to go and we can kiss 2014 goodbye, and to tell you the truth since our autism diagnosis 6 years ago, this has by far been the best year and the biggest learning experience and the most growth for the whole family.

The year started out extremely rocky we had horrible tantrums and episodes at school with Franklin and it was so hard because we had him coming off medication and moving toward a more biomedical approach to treat his autism, and it was awful and hard and I wanted to give up almost everyday.  However, we plowed through together and he made amazing strides, and it was a victory.

This was also the year that we were able to give him a voice via an iPad and ProLoQuo2 Go.  We are a work in progress, and everyone at school is not properly trained in it, but we have given the boy a way to communicate with us and it has eliminated a large percentage of his behavior, and it was the biggest dose of gratitude that I could have asked for.  I am moving forward with my education on the device and plan to become a "mommy expert" on the device, via other mommies and classes that I'm finding in our area.

Jackson has started Kindergarten this year and my baby is becoming a big boy and it was hard for mommy to deal with.  I love babies, and part of me has struggled to not "baby" him, and let him grow up and catch up developmentally.  Jackson has made friends, and he has some buddies, and friend that he initiates play with and engages with and I absolutely love all the kids in our lives that we work on our social skills and are building relationships with.

This year after 3 years of therapy and desensitizing them, and working and blood sweat and tears, we conquered THE BEACH.  OMG.  I can't say it enough we can go to the beach, and stay, and no one cries - except me - Happy Tears.

All our work, and all the therapy, and all the sacrifice and the boys are changing, learning, maturing and my believing in them and myself as a parent is making things happen.

My boys have grown and changed and launched so far forward this year, and they work so hard, and mommy found a louder advocate voice, and I feel like we have put them on a path where 2015 is going to KICK ASS.  Our team is fabulous, and I am so happy and anxious to move forward and let this be year the of recovery and improvement.

We were sitting at families house yesterday with all our cousins and friends and I was also forced to look at how different and challenged my kids are.  While everyone was playing on the swings and doing games and things that 5,6, and 7 year olds do.  My 6 year old was locked on some paper cut outs of letters and numbers, and was completely in his own world and wanted nothing to do with the other kiddos.  I saw the difference, I saw his cousins looking at him like he was a little different.  But yet he was HAPPY, and while it hurt me as a mom to see my kids isolating themselves, no matter what I did to try to get them to engage, they were not having it.  Those are my struggles, and my hurts and lack of acceptance of autism.  But even while it hurt me a little, my kids rocked this holiday season and  I couldn't be more grateful.

I got to also see a lot of our autism families kids rocking it,  we saw some amazing things this year in our little OC community, and I'm thankful, and happy and hopeful, and taking all that into 2015 and looking forward to giving autism a run for it's money.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

Rebecca