This is a training program that I never ever dreamed I would
be participating in. Seriously,
not ever did I think I could do this.
This is not about running, but it is about training, and perseverance,
and dedication, and pain, and enduring when you don’t think you have another
step in you to go. It is exactly
the way I felt on the two half marathons I ran last year.
After a brief hiatus at the end of the year, I got back on
the training wagon and have been planning these races, and training around my
kids schedule and school, therapy, and our family. I run and train when I can, early in the morning, late at
night, on a treadmill, or out on the trails. Whatever and wherever I can, to be able to finish this race
next month. Well low and behold
Autism must have found out that I actually made plans, and it is trying to
bitch slap me down every day.
So, I’m trying my best to stay on track. Autism has for the last few weeks,
hijacked my older son, and is taking him on a horrible ride. We are exhausted, worried, confused,
and just plain sad. He was making
these great strides, and now in the last few weeks a major back slide. Activities he loved are now cause of
tantrums, places he liked make him troubled, he is tolerant of very little. His frustration level is high, as is
ours. My sadness exists on so many
levels, because I frankly cannot stand watching my child go through this
neurological torture. The fact
that this is Autism Awareness Month, is just irritating and a farce that makes
me crazy. TRUST ME, WE ARE
AWARE!!! I do not get what in the
hell anyone thinks we should be celebrating. Should I be celebrating the sleeplessness, the tantrums, the
rigidity, and the frustration from not being able to communicate with my child? Which part are we having the party
for??? The friends that have disappeared off the map because they don’t want
our kids to play together? The
friend that don’t invite us anywhere because we look haggard? The family members that stare at our
kids like they are going to blow up?
We need action, and we need
people to start training and working for this MARATHON OF AUTISM. The wave is
here for crying out loud, and there are very few who are doing anything about
it, and this mother is beyond PISSED.
Where is the research?
Where are the services?
Where is the help for these kids, as they get older? Does anyone not see that the number is
now 1 in 50, WAKE UP!!! When we were diagnosed 4 years ago, the number of kids
diagnosed with 1 in 150, then 1 in 110, then 1 in 88 and last week the CDC
reported that the number of kids diagnosed with Autism is 1 in 50. The finish line is getting closer. There are going to be thousands of
these kids growing up and at the rate our lame ass government and education
system is going we are doing a disservice to these kids, and everyone is going
to end up being injured. (SORT OF
LIKE RUNNING A MARATHON WITHOUT TRAINING FOR IT – See what I did there?) So perhaps while we are lighting things
up blue, we could use some of that effort at a marketing campaign – to actual
help for the families of autism???? Just a thought. Perhaps everyone could get off of Sandra Fluke and her free
birth control and focus on a problem that might actually affect people that
aren’t selfish ho bags. Just
saying’.
I am doing my best to remember minute by minute the life
of both of my kids are a marathon.
I have to be patient, and strong, and endure every single kind of
terrain that comes with autism.
Right now I feel like I’m running on a 95-degree day in the desert up
hill with no water and no relief in sight, just like I did running up Irvine
Avenue at mile 11 up a hill that was torturing me. My children do not have the luxury of saying they don’t feel
like having autism that day.
Neither do I. I no
longer have luxuries of saying that I don’t want to do that, or I want to go
there, or even making a plan is a JOKE.
I have to train, I have to be strong, I have to have
endurance, I have to have patience, I have to have stamina, and I have to have
the integrity and sportsmanship of an athlete to get through autism and a
marathon. Autism is a life long marathon;
it is the most important training of my life, of our lives. This life long marathon of autism
requires that we be in shape and sharp, mentally and physically. It will take more from your body than
people can possibly fathom. I
never in my life thought sleep was important, until autism robbed me of
it.
I will run this race in a month, and I will be well trained,
probably not trained the best. But
it’s just like being an autism parent.
I am doing the best I can with what is put in front to of me. I don’t know the most, I don’t run the
fastest, but I put my heart in this race, my entire heart, and do my best every
single day to love and care for my boys with every single cell of my
being. I will give this race all I’ve
got, because my boys deserve the mom that doesn’t give up.
Rebecca
Well said. Well Said.
ReplyDelete