Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Track it Tuesday (The Summer 15)

Alright, so this summer has been an incredible journey, and as I went through a variety of life situations, I failed miserably at trying to get the last 20 lbs. off of my weight loss.  And when I say I failed miserably I mean I actually gained 15 lbs. and it seems to have all happened in the last 6 weeks.

213.4  UGGG
So now I have to get 35 lbs off to be at my goal weight. And I went back over 200, where I said I would never go again! 

This is friggin' frustrating,  I'm beyond annoyed with myself.  Completely disappointed to the poiont where I have no other choice but to get off my ass and work hard to get to that goal.  I worked so hard to get 80 lbs off of me.  I excercised, I ate right, I took care of myself, and changed my life. I just need to be back on track, the same track that got me to health.

I'm a cancer survivor for goodness sakes, and I fought hard to beat that.   I think the number one way to no longer be a cancer survivor is to stop caring for my health.  Seriously, could you have any idea what a ungrateful dumbass I feel like now?

What caused the set back in my attitude and actions and a myriad of bad choices?  Autism, toddlers, depression, and just summer business.  My sons have autism, and the set backs and regression that he had, took a lot of time to deal with, in addition to being exhausting it was sad and depressing.  I unfortunately chose chips over running on a lot of days to deal with it.  We spent a week in the hospital, we went on vacation.  The difficulties that I was having with my kids this summer were more than I prepared for and I found myself more days just saying "F*CK IT", and having the cocktail, or the guac and chips or pint of Haagen Dazs.  Well the scale finally reflected that. But enough with excuses, I chose poorly OFTEN. 

Believe it or not.  I still did train and finished a 2nd half marathon.  I competed in the Disneyland Half Marathon.  It was an amazing race, and I had a blast doing it.  I knew before I ran the race that I had put on some pounds and I finally weighed myself 2 days after the race, and almost cried.

So for the last week I have really struggled to stay focused, exercise, eat clean and good, and I will be the crazy athlete mom that I want to be, that I know is in me.  I want to be healthy, I want to be that FIT mom that can keep up with her kids.  I don't want to be the fat frump sitting in the corner, and not doing anything.

I want to be the mom that walks into Renaissance ClubSport and everyone knows because I come in, am positive, and all the help that was given to me there by Chris, Alley, and Chuck shows. I have a couple weeks left of the Amazing Gunnar Challenge, that provides me the best workouts for the gym and home.  I WANT TO BE THE EXAMPLE OF WHAT TO DO,  that others who struggle with their weight want to follow.  I want to lead this pathway of health and sanity.  I don't want to be that scared woman that one year ago could barely run a mile. 

Son of a gun.  Between all the work I've done,  the great training I've gotten from so many in Orange County this shouldn't be that hard.  I am my own worst critic, enemy, and saboteur.   So now that kids, are gone during the day, husband is starting a new job.  My workouts will be back on track, and I'm already prepared with food for the week, and have planned and put effort forth for myself.  I will get this weight off.  So if you're struggling.  You are not alone. If you have been afraid to do anything, come follow.  If you are doing it consistently and winning the battle of the bulge, share how you stay on track. 

I have set a goal and I will have this now 35lbs off by the end of the year. 

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