Just Followed the Right Thing Finally

My whole life, I've never been one to follow, never run with the big crowd, the popular, the stylish, the followers.  I didn't always lead, but I found my own path, sometimes with confidence, sometimes with fear, sometimes with a lack of knowledge, but for the most part, I found my way, with a few bumps, bruises, and failures, but for the most part I am proud of my path, as imperfect as it is.

Now stay with me, because we are living in absolute utter chaos and insanity.  I'm watching people in complete fear, some justified, some not.  I'm watching people grow to hate each other over diversity of opinion over masks. I'm watching people held hostage, their lives, careers, educations, relationships taken from them. I'm hearing and reading noise, that's all it is now is noise.  There are very few media outlets that are now producing facts, they're producing propaganda and fodder.  I started to do a lot of questioning, which lead to a lot of research about this Covid - 19 dilemma.  I am not at risk, neither are my kids or husband, therefore, I have tapped out of the "safer at home" situation.  If you or your family are at risk, I'm sorry, and take whatever precautions you're comfortable to protect yourself.  In the last few weeks, I have traveled to another state, eaten at a restaurant,  had people over for dinner, gone to friends house for dinner, and had some play dates, hugged my friends (the ones that want to be hugged, I respect the wishes and requirements of everyone), I have laughed, and gone back to enjoying life. Thank GOODNESS.

I realize that this is going to light some peoples ass on fire, that I'm not listening to the relentless media telling me to be fearful, and the brimstone of virus is going to crawl up my butt and inflame my respiratory system and send me to an early grave.  But I kind of don't care.  Honestly, it took me decades to get to a point, where I was comfortable, and confident enough in my judgement that your opinion, especially one I didn't ask for, carries no weight in my decision making, or my belief and decisions.  I will continue to live cautiously, responsibly, and comfortably for my family.  I recommend and suggest you do the same.  Wherever you are in your Covid-19 journey, be comfortable, confident, and fearless.  If you are still at home and you're happy, and experiencing no discomfort after 100 days of lockdown - more power to you.  Please, however, respect those that are out and about and have moved on and are confident in their necessary steps to get back to life, work, education, livelihoods.  You do you, and let me do me.  This lockdown brought out the best and worst in people, and I'm guilty of some incredible anger and judgement, but I finally woke up.  I'm not going to change any minds, and it's not my job to.  My job is to parent my kids, and be a partner to my husband as we see fit.  Your opinion of how we do it, is none of my business.

We are entitled to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.  I'll be honest with you, after 8 weeks of  "safer at home", I felt my life, liberties and all happiness were zapped from me and my kids.   "The Cure was worse than the virus", and after weeks of research and consults, we started going out.  Beach, hiking, walks, drives, nothing terribly offensive.  For crying out loud though, I was called irresponsible, reprehensible, stupid, anti-vaxxer, idiot, moron, and the best yet an accomplice at murders.  And I don't say that to get a reaction, and for you to feel bad for me.  But I realized I am confident and strong enough in my beliefs, my convictions, and my faith, that those words didn't hurt me one bit, they didn't make me second guess, they didn't make me cower and change my mind to fit their fears and conformity.  

The Cure was worse than the virus for me. I was not right after 2 months of what I choose to call horse manure.    I want to work, I want to see my kids thrive, I want to be with my people.  So when I stopped asking and expecting permission to be a responsible confident adult, I did what I wanted.  A month out from those decisions, and no Covid, no doomsday, no masks, just us, living, wrapped in the armor of God, and practicing our Faith.  Our Faith that is bigger than fear.  Our Faith that can not live in the same house as Fear.  I chose the Faith, and I chose to follow the signs I prayed for.  The armor of God, protected me from the hurtful words, the judgmental Karens, and the virus.

So while I've never been a follower of the masses, I just finally had to faithfully, without hesitation follow God and the happiness returned, the life, the joy, the peace of mind.  I hope you're in peace, no matter where you are in this ridiculous insanity that is our world right now.

Back to School ---- With Hope

I am usually the mom doing the happy dance when kids go back to school.  As an Autism mom, summer is sometimes really really really long.  After many years of work, finding my kids "thing", and doing our best to set the kids up for success, I was a little sad to see this summer come to an end.

Being a special needs parent and starting a new school year is incredibly stressful, the uncertainty, the new teacher, new room, new kids, new schedule.   The district I live in is incredibly negligent and irresponsible where Special Education population is concerned, the anxiety goes on all year.  You never know what is going to happen at school, and frankly the schools are no longer about education.  I haven't figured out what the hell they're doing but they are not interested in educating special needs kids, they are more like a mediocre babysitter.  So we prep, prime the kid, and hope and pray for the best.  The jury is still out on the teacher and his aide, I'll give them time to get their feet wet with the kids, if I don't see progress by back to school night, then my charming but firm side will come out.

I make a very valiant effort to start the school with giving the administration, principal, and special education departments the benefit of the doubt, and try to swallow that they "have our kids best interests at heart".  I'm going to really try this year, I'm going to try to not yell, scream, and freak out when my kid is being marginalized, forgotten, and excluded from things because their classroom is at the back of the school, not encouraging inclusion.  When they leave a kid on a playground that can't talk, I won't let them have it.   When a kid gets out of school that can't talk, I won't call them incompetent.  When a kid goes home with a bruise, scrape, or bite mark and we are told we are not entitled to an incident, or "he fell".  None of this is over dramatic imagination, this stuff happens to special education children, especially non verbal ones, EVERY SINGLE DAY all over the country.

But this year I'm not screaming at people after the fact.  But I'm going to try and plead to their common sense and decency, because the reactionary mom is just as bad as a reactionary school I am usually the mom doing the happy dance when kids go back to school.  As an Autism mom, summer is sometimes really really really long.  After many years of work, finding my kids "thing", and doing our best to set the kids up for success, I was a little sad to see this summer come to an end.

But this year I'm not screaming at people after the fact.  But I'm going to try and plead to Administrators of school districts everywhere.

Please to Special Education Teachers,  and Staff.  

These are our children.  We love them, we worship them, they are tiny humans just like the neurotypical kids.  Please protect them, follow their IEP, work with the parents to make the kid as successful as you can.  Please assume competence and capability.  This is how you do it right.  

How you don't do it right, is lie to parents, deny or withhold services or knowledge of services to a kid that clearly needs them.  Treating our kids like they don't matter and that any hurt that happens isn't an enormous deal.  And Never Never Never tell a parent their child is unteachable.

We know who is doing it right, and we love who is doing it right.  And so do our kids, and we know who isn't doing it right.

Let's do it right together, forget what the Administrators want you to do, they're really just overpaid buffoons, that couldn't walk 5 feet in a teachers shoes.  Kick their rules and their control to the curb, our kids matter too.  You can do it, the parents will stand with you if we know you have our kids backs.  We can do this, we really can - I hope.